You are not your emotions. It’s a simple phrase, but when you’re on a journey for hope and healing after abortion, it can feel like your painful emotions define you.
Have you ever noticed how the English language handles emotions? We tend to use “identity” language. We say, “I am sad.” Or, “I am angry.” By using that tiny word—am—we unconsciously fuse our entire self to the feeling. It’s as if the sadness, anger, or other emotion isn’t just something we are experiencing; it’s who we are.
When you are struggling with a heavy heart and looking for healing after abortion, this “identity” language can make you feel trapped, perhaps without even realizing it. If you say “I am depressed,” it can feel like a permanent state of being. But in many other parts of the world, the language people speak actually helps them avoid that identity trap. They use a completely different blueprint for their feelings—one that might offer you a little bit of breathing room today.
THE “GUEST” ON YOUR SHOULDER AFTER ABORTION: EMOTIONS AS SOMETHING SEPARATE FROM YOU
The Irish have a beautiful way of speaking about emotions. Look at the phrase Tá brón orm. If you translate it literally, it doesn’t mean “I am sad.” It means: “Sadness is on me.”
Think about the difference for a second. If sadness is “on” you, it’s like a coat you’re wearing or a heavy blanket. It’s there, and it’s heavy, but it isn’t you. You are the person beneath the coat. Eventually, the weather changes, and the coat comes off. The person—you—remains.
THE THINGS YOU CARRY: HOW OTHER LANGUAGES REFRAME PAINFUL FEELINGS
In Spanish, it’s not that “you are afraid;” you “have” fear (Tengo miedo). In Portuguese, when someone is experiencing the deep grief or longing that can sometimes follow abortion, they would say, “I have longings” (Tenho saudades).
In these cultures, emotions are treated like possessions. You might be carrying a heavy box of “regret” or “shame” right now. It may be yours to carry for a while, but it’s an object. It’s a thing you have, not a thing you are. And just like anything you carry, you can eventually set it down, piece by piece.
THE WEIGHT BEHIND YOU AFTER ABORTION
In Turkish, they have a striking way of talking about heavy emotions. Instead of saying “I am lonely,” they would say, Yalnızlık çekiyorum. This literally translates to “I am drawing (or pulling) loneliness.”
Imagine you’re pulling a heavy cart behind you. It’s a lot of work. It’s exhausting. But it’s behind you—it isn’t you. It’s just the weight you are currently moving through the world.
THE SHADOW AT YOUR SIDE: SITTING WITH DISTRESS WITHOUT BECOMING IT
In Arabic, they use “with” or “at” in describing emotions. They might say, Indi deeq (عندي ضيق). Instead of “I am distressed,” the direct translation would be “With me is distress” or “At me is a feeling of tightness.”
Think of it like a shadow next to you. Your emotion is a presence that is with you, and you may certainly be aware of it, but you are two separate things. You can acknowledge the distress that is currently “with” you without letting it become your identity. It’s there, but it’s not you.
THE WEATHER OF THE HEART AFTER ABORTION
Russian takes it even further. For many feelings, you aren’t even the subject of the sentence. Instead of “I am sad,” they say Мне грустно—which literally means, “To me, it is sadly.”
It’s like describing the weather: “Today, it is raining.” You wouldn’t say “I am the rain,” right? You’re just the person standing in it. In this way of thinking, your anger or your loneliness is just the current climate. It’s the atmosphere you’re sitting in right now. It might be a stormy season, but seasons, by their very nature, always turn into something else.
TRY SHIFTING HOW YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS AFTER ABORTION
If you‘re struggling with certain emotions after abortion today, try borrowing one of these structures. It might feel awkward, but notice if it creates even an inch of space between you and the feeling.
- Instead of “I am angry,” try: “Anger is on me today.” (Irish model)
- Instead of “I am ashamed,” try: “I have shame.” (Spanish model)
- Instead of “I am anxious,” try: “I am pulling a heavy weight of anxiety right now.” (Turkish model)
- Instead of “I am numb,” try: “With me is numbness.” (Arabic model)
- Instead of “I am overwhelmed,” try: “To me, it is overwhelming today.” (Russian model)
FINDING SUPPORT AND HEALING AFTER ABORTION
Whether you feel like sadness is “upon you” or confusion is “with you,” remember that the “You” at the center of it all is constant. You are the ground, and the emotions are just the weather hovering over you.
And you don’t have to handle the “weather” alone or carry these feelings without support. We are here for you.
- Want someone to listen?
Reach out to our After Abortion Line for an anonymous, non-judgmental conversation with someone who understands and cares. Call or text 844-289-HOPE (4673), email, or use our webchat at supportafterabortion.com. You matter, and we’re here for you. - Looking for a way to start?
Explore our introductory resources for healing after abortion:- Keys to Hope and Healing: A compassionate secular guide for women and men looking for a gentle first step. Available in English and Spanish. Self-guided videos and journals are great go-along resources.
- Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion: designed specifically for men impacted by abortion to find their footing again with God’s love and mercy. Self-guided videos are available to help you work through the book step-by-step with added insights and an integrated playlist.
- Want a Change of Scenery?
If the “weather” metaphor resonated with you, you might find peace using our Nature-Based Healing Resource, which offers 25 outdoor activities and reflections that help you process hard emotions that can follow abortion.
Shifting your language isn’t about ignoring your pain; it’s about changing your relationship to it. By using these different cultural and language-based perspectives, you give yourself permission to be the steady ground beneath the storm. While your feelings may be heavy, and the weight you are pulling is real—they are not you. You are more than the stormy weather of the moment, and with time and healing tools that fit you, you can find your footing and peace again on your journey of healing after abortion.
© Support After Abortion
We always welcome your feedback! If something in this blog struck a chord—or left you thinking—feel free to share your thoughts here.