When the birth of her son triggered grief, guilt, and emotional collapse from a past abortion, one woman found healing after abortion through support, faith, and helping others.
When abortion becomes part of your story, the pain doesn’t always show up right away. Sometimes, it waits until you hold your next baby in your arms. Then the grief crashes in. That’s what happened to Kara. Her story reveals how past wounds and unspoken emotions can surface at the most unexpected moments—and how healing after abortion is possible, even decades after abortion.
WHY WOMEN’S HEALING AFTER ABORTION MATTERS
Kara’s experience reflects a reality many women face: abortion grief can stay hidden for years. On the surface, she had it all—a strong marriage, six children, a life of faith and purpose. But when she gave birth the first time after the abortion years later, the overwhelming joy she expected was replaced with something else entirely: emptiness, disconnection, and guilt.
This blog shares her story, in her words, along with insights from our interview with her, reflections from her healing after abortion journey, and resources for anyone who may be carrying their own hidden wounds after abortion.
WHY WOMEN’S ABORTION STORIES LIKE KARA’S MATTER
Stories like Kara’s challenge the assumptions many people make about who has abortions and what healing after abortion looks like. Kara didn’t feel devastated right after her abortion. In fact, she felt relief. But her story reveals something many women report: the emotional impact can surface later, often triggered by another life event—like holding a child, facing a milestone, or realizing how deeply a past decision still impacts you.
As Kara journeyed through healing after abortion, she started helping others do the same. And she saw what we see every day at Support After Abortion: when women feel safe, seen, and supported, transformation happens.
That’s why we created this video series. Real stories. Real voices. Shared with care.
Keep reading for the full transcript of Kara’s video, powerful moments that didn’t make the final cut, a behind-the-scenes look at how we honor these stories, and tips to care for yourself after hearing someone’s pain and challenges.
HIDDEN WOUNDS, REAL HEALING AFTER ABORTION: KARA’S STORY
Now, let’s hear Kara’s story in her own words…
WHAT YOU SEE NOW IS THE HEALING, NOT THE HURT
Hi. My name is Kara, and this is my story.
Probably a lot of people would never guess I had an abortion. I have six kids, I’m a devout Catholic, I’m in a good marriage, and my husband and I have been together since our 20’s.
But a lot can change over a lifetime. When I was 26, my future husband and I got pregnant. I was partying pretty hard then, and even though we’d been dating for two years, I didn’t feel ready to get married, and I definitely didn’t feel ready to become a mom.
PRESSURE, FEAR, AND ABORTION
My boyfriend didn’t encourage an abortion. In fact when he told his mom, he was hoping she would support us having the baby. But she was a key local abortion-rights advocate, and told us he wasn’t ready to be a father, that abortion only prevents a pregnancy, and that my thinking otherwise was just my religion’s influence.
The thing is — on the inside, I was an anxious, broken wreck. My childhood had left me unprepared to handle what was happening. I was so scared of what people would say about me being pregnant, especially my mom. I didn’t want her to be disappointed in me.
I was raised Catholic, and I did believe abortion was wrong, but I hadn’t gone to church in a long time. And, his mom’s words influenced both of us.
So, I went to Planned Parenthood. After the abortion, I felt complete relief. I didn’t have strong feelings about the abortion. I just was thankful I could keep partying and go back to my life.
STRUGGLING TO BOND WITH MY BABY AFTER ABORTION
A few years later, we got married, and then we had our first son.
When the doctor put him in my arms, there was no overwhelming joy like other moms talk about. I just thought, “Oh great, now what am I going to do with you?” Instead of seeing love and tenderness, the first time my baby looked into his mother’s eyes, he saw my feelings of rejection and disdain toward him. Feelings from my abortion had started coming up.
Fortunately, those feelings changed. After we got home from the hospital, I fell in love with my baby boy. I never knew I could be so happy or love someone this much.
ABORTION GRIEF, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, AND BREAKING DOWN
But one day, I laid him down for a nap and thought, If you didn’t have that abortion, that baby would be alive.
The wall crumbled. But I needed to take care of my baby. I needed to function. So I started reasoning with, and pushing away, the feelings. But that only made it worse. For days, weeks, months, I’d open my eyes in the morning and my first thought was about the abortion. These intrusive thoughts became so destructive that I stopped functioning.
I started looking for help. I talked to my mom for the first time about that pregnancy and abortion. I called the clinic where I had the abortion; they just said my feelings weren’t uncommon. I called my doctor, who told me to go to the ER of the nearby psychiatric hospital. I was falling apart. I went from being this loving, doting mother to not being able to pick up my son or feed him.
MY TURNING POINT AFTER ABORTION: COMPASSION AND CONFESSION
I thought, I’m a Catholic, I should go to confession. I thank God the priest was so kind, and compassionate. He told me how much God loved me and gave me info for a ministry for women who’ve experienced abortion.
Through their counselors, I began my healing journey. I realized I had so much other woundedness.
FROM PERSONAL HEALING AFTER ABORTION TO HELPING OTHERS FIND HOPE
Over the years, I participated in different retreats and programs, all of which helped me along my path of healing.
Eventually, I discovered Support After Abortion. I love their Unraveled Roots program, which focuses on underlying causes and beliefs we have about ourselves. So much of this can start in childhood and manifest as dysfunctional coping mechanisms, like drinking and drug use. I know I partied to cope with my anxiety and fear. I found so much healing after abortion as I discovered what led to my old lifestyle and abortion in the first place.
I became a facilitator for Support After Abortion’s Keys to Hope and Healing program. It’s been an honor to help others travel this road. It’s so good to see women who are hurting so badly find a safe space where they can share without judgment, and it’s so rewarding to watch their transformation. They start anxious, scared, overwhelmed by their feelings, and they grow to a place of calm and peacefulness.
Even though I’m a facilitator now, I’m still a work in progress. Because my abortion came from a place of brokenness, my healing is a continual journey, and that’s okay. I am grateful to have reached this place of peace and thankful to Support After Abortion for all it has done for me.
THE ROLE OF ANXIETY AND CHILDHOOD WOUNDS
Kara didn’t fully understand the roots of her decision—or her emotional collapse afterward—until much later. In our interview, she shared:
“Trying to understand what led me to that decision was one of the hardest things after the feelings came.”
“At the time, I just didn’t want to have a baby—now I understand why—because of my own difficulties.”
Those “underneath” layers are exactly what Unraveled Roots is designed to help women and men uncover and work through. It’s a Support After Abortion resource focused on four core root issues that often drive emotional and behavioral struggles. Kara said it was one of the most meaningful parts of her healing:
“When I did Unraveled Roots, I started to understand it wasn’t just partying or being irresponsible—it went back to my childhood and upbringing. It was how I coped with fear, insecurities, anxiety, and not wanting to disappoint.”
That fits with what experts share in this blog on childhood trauma:
“Regardless of how the emotional neglect surfaces, much damage can result from the maladaptive behaviors that arise.”
In Kara’s case, those unresolved childhood wounds collided with an unexpected pregnancy—and eventually, the weight of abortion.
“It’s those causes and beliefs we have about ourselves that cause us to make decisions.”
Kara’s healing shows how addressing what’s underneath—like anxiety and patterns from childhood wounds—can lead to transformation that can heal the past and reshape the future.
“I realized I had so much other woundedness—It was a beginning of healing.”
➡️Read more on how childhood neglect, attachment issues, and traumas leave scars that influence our self-esteem, relationships, behaviors, and well-being—and how to break from their grip. Click here>>.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT HEALING AFTER ABORTION
Q: Can abortion grief show up years later?
Yes. Many people experience delayed emotional responses—especially after major life events like the birth of a child. Kara’s story is a powerful example of this.
Q: What does healing after abortion look like?
Healing is not one-size-fits-all. For some, it includes emotional processing, faith-based support, retreats, or structured programs like Unraveled Roots or Keys to Hope and Healing.
Q: Is it normal to have intrusive thoughts after abortion?
Yes. Intrusive thoughts are a common trauma response. They don’t mean something is “wrong” with you—they’re signals that your nervous system may need support.
Q: How can I find healing after abortion if I don’t want to talk to anyone yet?
You can begin privately. Download Keys to Hope and Healing, journal your experiences, or explore free, anonymous resources at SupportAfterAbortion.com.
Q: What if I feel shame or guilt about my abortion?
Shame is common—but it doesn’t have to be permanent. Healing after abortion involves finding compassion for yourself and discovering you are not alone.
THE HIDDEN PAIN: WHAT DIDN’T MAKE THE VIDEO
In our interview, Kara shared much more than we could fit into the short video. Some of it was painful. Some of it hopeful. All of it real.
Here are a few powerful moments that didn’t make the final cut—but still speak volumes:
The Crisis That Nearly Sent Her to the ER
One especially raw moment Kara shared was how close she came to being hospitalized for psychiatric distress due to her abortion grief. For months after her son was born, she struggled with her escalating emotions. When the intrusive thoughts became so intense that she could no longer function — could no longer feed or hold her son — her OB-GYN advised her to go to the emergency room.
“My husband helped calm me down that night. I didn’t go to the ER, but I was right on the edge.”
She added that she was grateful the therapist recommended by the abortion clinic was on vacation—because it gave her time to find a path to healing that fit her needs and preferences.
Volunteering, Vulnerability, and a Pandemic Prompt
Kara’s healing after abortion journey didn’t stop with her own recovery. She began volunteering in the same abortion recovery retreat ministry that helped her so much. She later served as a counselor at a pregnancy center and with another after-abortion retreat program. She talked about how fulfilling it is to help others find the hope she needed—and the healing that meant so much for her own life.
“It’s important to know what healing after abortion options are available.”
Support After Abortion’s research on the impact of abortion on women and men shows that most people don’t know where to turn for help after abortion—in fact, only 18% say they do. Kara remembers how real that was 30 years ago:
“It was so hard to find abortion support in those pre-internet days.”
A friend of Kara’s was speaking at a Support After Abortion virtual conference in 2020, so Kara signed up to attend.
“A lot of stuff was coming up during COVID. My OCD was off the charts.”
Kara listened to the different interviews and speakers, joined Support After Abortion’s mailing list, and then started volunteering with Support After Abortion. She even trained with a woman who also struggled to bond after her children were born because of abortion in her past.
Listening, Memorialization, and the Power of Space
Kara shared that what impacts her most as a facilitator is witnessing the transformation when women feel safe enough to speak freely.
“Knowing that giving women a space where they can be heard and listen to other people, and feel like they can share their story and not be judged—To share and be heard – that’s the most important part.”
Some other powerful moments in a group for Kara:
“[The participants’] new sense of calm and peacefulness after the program.”
“Whether they memorialize their babies or are thinking about it—it’s always beautiful to see that journey for them.”
➡️Read more about compassionate conversations and ways to honor a baby after abortion.
LISTENING WITH COMPASSION, RESPONDING WITH CARE
When someone opens up about their abortion experience, it’s a big deal. They’re letting you into a part of their life that’s often hidden.
You don’t need the perfect response. You don’t need all the answers.
What matters most? That they feel safe. Heard. Not judged.
Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is just sit with them in the moment—no fixing, no advice—just presence.
From Our Side of the Story
At Support After Abortion, storytelling is an honor—and a responsibility. Behind every story is a real person who has lived through pain, and our role is to make sure their voice, their experience, is handled with care, empathy, and respect.
When we interview someone sharing their story—whether for these videos, blog articles, webinars, books, or other resources—we prioritize compassion, collaboration, and ethical, trauma-informed storytelling best practices.
The initial interviews can last an hour or more. “I don’t rush, I don’t assume,” says Michele Mazelin, Support After Abortion Communications Manager. “I listen, I invite, and I give them a safe space to be heard and to tell their story in whatever way is meaningful for them.”
Our process prioritizes agency and collaboration. “We don’t start with a goal or an idea of what their story should be,” Michele said. We invite them to share whatever feels important to them in their lived experience and healing journey. Then we write their story based on what they actually say. Their words shape the content, the tone, the direction. Their experience leads the way.
Sometimes they pause. Sometimes they circle back. Sometimes they chose not to share certain things. Or sometimes they share a part of their story, but ask not to include it. And we honor it all. That’s what it means to respect someone’s story: you don’t push, you protect.
That protection of their story—and their privacy—is why we don’t use the person’s real name or the real names of anyone in their story. It’s why we omit any details that might identify them. And it’s why we use an actor to portray the individual’s story.
During the Power of Storytelling webinar, Michele emphasized that “It’s not our story to use—it’s their story to offer.” So, we engage them in the process, including reviewing the script drafts, how they’d like to word something, or if they want to include or omit something. “In ethical storytelling—especially in abortion healing,” Michele said, “It’s not just about how a story moves others—It’s also about how we handle what someone trusts us with.”
These conversations aren’t easy. But they’re real. And they matter.
TIPS FOR HOW TO CARE FOR YOURSELF WHEN LISTENING
Hearing stories like Kara’s can stir up unexpected emotions. Whether you’ve experienced abortion yourself or walk with others through their healing, your feelings matter too.
Caring For Yourself After a Tough Story
Michele shared that after one of her first interviews—one that was especially raw and emotional—she reached out to a colleague who’s been walking with clients for years. “I needed to process what I’d heard and how it had affected me, my thoughts and feelings,“ Michele said. “Talking with her helped me honor his experience and validate my emotions. It helped me regain my footing and feel more grounded heading into the next conversation.”
Her colleague also reminded her that caring well for others includes caring for ourselves, too.
“After each interview,” Michele said, “I check in with myself. I process with someone if needed (while honoring confidentiality), I take breaks, go for a walk, watch a show, play a game with my kids. I remind myself that this is not my pain to carry—but I can hold it with care while it’s in front of me.”
Here are a few ideas that can help you check in and reset after hearing a tough story:
- Pause. Take a breath or step outside. Let yourself feel what comes.
- Notice what you’re carrying. Are these emotions tapping into something deeper for you?
- Journal or reflect. Get it out of your head and onto paper.
- Talk with someone. It’s okay to say, “That story hit me harder than I expected.”
- Ground yourself. Go for a walk, watch something light, make dinner—whatever helps you come back to yourself.
- Set boundaries. Build in buffer time after hard stories. Protect your emotional health.
For more practical guidance, read our article on Tips for Compassionate Conversations and our webinar recap on Healthy Helping.
FROM DISCONNECTION TO HEALING: KARA’S CONTINUING JOURNEY
When Kara first held her son, she didn’t feel love. She felt panic. Rejection. Regret. But later, she bonded with him—and began reconnecting with herself.
Through retreats, books, healing groups, and programs like Unraveled Roots and Keys to Hope and Healing, Kara began to unravel the deeper roots of her pain, face what she had long buried, and offer compassion to the younger version of herself who made that decision.
Today, she offers that same compassion to other women—as a facilitator, a listener, and someone who understands the weight they carry.
She’s still healing, too. Still learning. Still growing.
And that’s the truth for so many: healing doesn’t mean having it all figured out. It means being willing to keep going.
HELP AFTER ABORTION: IF KARA’S STORY RESONATES WITH YOU…
If you’ve experienced abortion—or are supporting someone who has—and Kara’s story stirred something in you, you don’t keep silent or go it alone.
Whether yours was recent or decades ago, there is help and healing after abortion for you. Support After Abortion offers free, anonymous, compassionate care tailored to your pace, beliefs, and needs.
Here are some ways to take the next step toward healing:
📞 Talk to someone who understands.Reach out to our anonymous After Abortion Line.
- Call or text: 844.289.HOPE (4673)
- Chat: supportafterabortion.com
- Email us
📘 Start your healing journey.
Check out Keys to Hope and Healing
👩💻 Find support for women.
Explore our Women’s Healing Resources
🎥 Watch Kara’s Story.
If Kara’s story reminded you of someone, consider sharing it with them—you never know what it could mean for them.
Kara’s story shows that even when life looks stable on the outside, pain from the past can still surface—especially after abortion. If you’re feeling anxious, disconnected, or overwhelmed, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you—it means something matters. Healing takes time. It took time for Kara, too.
You don’t have to figure it out alone. We’re here for you.
© Support After Abortion
Reading something that hits home can bring up a lot.
If you’d like to share what this stirred up—or just let us know what you thought. Take a moment to share here »