Navigating Relationships & Strengthening Support Systems After Abortion

INTRO

Kylee Heap, Executive Director of Support After Abortion, and Michele Mazelin, Communications Manager, led this webinar designed to equip abortion healing providers in helping clients navigate relationships and strengthen support systems after abortion. Kylee emphasized that this session is packed with evidence-based training, practical tools, and assessments for providers “because partners, families, friends, professionals, and others can all play a role in a person’s healing process. And a lack of support can seriously impede emotional recovery.”

As Support After Abortion approaches its fifth anniversary in April, Kylee reflected on the organization’s mission: “We have been serving clients and equipping providers like you with the best tools to support women and men struggling after abortion.” She reiterated the goal of the training—to provide actionable knowledge, best practices, and practical tools that participants can implement immediately.

Key takeaways from the webinar include:

Practical tools to manage emotions and stress
Understanding abortion’s impact on relationships and fostering healthy connections
Insights into how stress affects the brain, body, and ability to receive support, including gender-based differences in coping
Assessment tools for personal and external support systems
Strategies to promote self-advocacy and self-compassion for healing

COPING WITH EMOTIONS AFTER ABORTION

Kylee acknowledged that clients navigating abortion healing often experience a wide range of emotions, from relief to grief, anger, sadness, anxiety, depression, and loneliness. When emotions feel overwhelming, discussing support systems or relationship challenges can become difficult. To help clients manage these emotions, she introduced several coping techniques that can be shared with them to promote emotional stability.

One of the primary techniques Kylee highlighted was grounding exercises, which help regulate the nervous system and shift focus away from distressing thoughts. She explained two simple yet effective grounding methods:

The 5-4-3-2-1 Method – Clients identify five things they see, four things they feel, three things they hear, two things they smell, and one thing they taste. This practice brings focus back to the present moment.
Box Breathing – This technique involves inhaling for four seconds, holding the breath for four seconds, exhaling for four seconds, and holding again for four seconds. “This seems so simple, but it actually helps to activate the parasympathetic nervous system,” Kylee said. She noted that this “calm down” system signals to the brain that the body is safe, reducing the fight-or-flight response and lowering heart rate.

Kylee then introduced the Feelings Wheel, a self-reflection tool that helps clients articulate emotions beyond broad terms like “mad,” “sad,” or “happy.” She noted, “I’ve actually seen it on Etsy as a pillow,” which she suggested could serve as an in-person prompt for clients. She shared that using the wheel and the journaling worksheet can help clients process emotions and recognize emotional patterns.

Another key technique discussed was cognitive reframing, which helps clients challenge negative thoughts and replace them with a balanced perspective. Kylee explained that the cognitive reframing worksheet walks clients through identifying a situation, recognizing their initial thoughts, identifying the associated emotion, challenging the thought, reframing it, and noticing the emotional shift. She emphasized the importance of self-compassion, stating, “Encouraging people to tell their story with that kindness and understanding as if they’re hearing it from a friend can help them to begin to see themselves in a more compassionate light.”

Kylee also discussed the role of physical movement and creative expression in emotional processing. Activities such as walking, stretching, and exercise can provide a physical outlet for emotions, while creative pursuits like art and music allow for safe self-expression.

Additionally, she highlighted the value of support networks for women and men, encouraging clients to talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group. “Sometimes just verbalizing your emotions can lessen their intensity,” Kylee said, explaining that connection with others who have shared experiences can help clients feel less alone.

She concluded by stating that calming emotions is key to having more productive conversations with clients, setting the stage for deeper discussions on emotional regulation and healing.

RELATIONSHIPS AFTER ABORTION

Kylee explored the complexities of relationships following abortion, emphasizing that existing relationship issues often do not disappear after the procedure.

She referenced research from the Guttmacher Institute, stating, “Almost half of women said that relationship issues were a reason why they had an abortion.” Kylee reiterated the significance of this finding, explaining that in many cases, abortion experiences can exacerbate preexisting tensions or even create new challenges that were previously unnoticed.

Citing a Harvard School of Public Health survey, Kylee noted that nearly half of U.S. adults report that stress makes it more difficult to get along with family members. She explained that for individuals navigating abortion-related emotions, stress can be a major barrier to seeking and receiving support. “Now we’re talking about that complication of trying to find support systems to navigate a traumatic event and having all of these layers of stress that impede a productive conversation,” she said.

Kylee described the ripple effect of abortion, highlighting how its impact extends beyond just the individuals directly involved. She explained that emotions, tensions, and challenges often affect friends, family, and others. “This is particularly true,” she said, “when others influenced or were part of the decision making process, or were part of the support or lack of support that your client might be experiencing.”

In many cases, clients express a deep sense of isolation, which can be due to a lack of support or difficulty in communicating their needs effectively.

She shared direct quotes from clients to illustrate these struggles:

“I feel so alone.”
“I’ve thought about talking to a couple of people, but I don’t want to burden them or cause problems.”
“I didn’t realize I would have all these feelings after the abortion. It has ruined our relationship.”
“I want to talk with my partner, but I don’t know how. I’m afraid he won’t understand and will distance himself from me. What if he’s past the abortion and he doesn’t want to deal with my feelings?”
“I’m having trouble dealing with the abortion and my girlfriend. I am so hurt, and I feel like I can’t even trust her. I don’t know how to move past this.”
“My boyfriend can’t deal with my emotions and doesn’t want to talk about it.”
“It’s been 33 years. My husband says it hasn’t affected him at all, and he doesn’t want to dwell on it. So how can we resolve our experiences and grow closer as a couple and a family?”

Kylee acknowledged that navigating these relationships is challenging, but support is available.

STRESS & SUPPORT RESPONSES: SCIENCE & RESEARCH

Michele introduced the topic of stress responses and social support, emphasizing the importance of assessing and strengthening support systems for those navigating abortion-related emotions.

She cited research from the American Journal of Bioethics Neuroscience, which states, “Human beings have a fundamental need to form emotional connections with others and experience distress and loss when they are socially isolated or in poor-quality relationships.” The same study explains that social support can buffer against stress by reducing physiological responses, a phenomenon known as social buffering of stress.

Michele explained the neurobiology of stress, referencing concepts discussed in a previous webinar on triggers. She outlined how the amygdala detects distress and sends a signal to the hypothalamus, which then releases adrenaline, initiating the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. The fawn response, first introduced by psychotherapist Pete Walker in 2013, is a survival mechanism where individuals appease others to avoid conflict or danger. This response, often ingrained in childhood trauma survivors, can lead to difficulty recognizing personal needs and setting boundaries.

Additionally, she noted that the adrenal glands release cortisol, which not only fuels the body’s stress response but also embeds distress in memory. This explains why individuals experiencing abortion-related stress may feel as if they are reliving their emotions when triggered. Michele emphasized, “That’s why, when something triggers our memory, our brain thinks it’s a current threat and starts this process all over again.”

The Role of Social Support in Stress Reduction

Michele highlighted research demonstrating that, despite the challenges posed by stress responses, trusted social support can measurably reduce cortisol and adrenaline levels. She explained that this social buffering effect allows individuals to regulate their emotions and restore rational thinking in the neocortex. Remarkably, one study found that simply having a photo of a trusted person can trigger this calming effect, even without their physical presence.

Gender Differences in Stress Responses

Michele then examined differences in how men and women experience and respond to stress, referencing the American Psychological Association’s (APA) 2023 Stress in America Study. Key findings included:

Women & Stress

Women report higher stress levels than men and are more likely to rate their stress as severe (8–10 on a scale of 10).
Women are more likely to say no one understands their stress and struggle to recover quickly from stressful situations.
Women frequently cite relationships and family dynamics as key sources of stress.

Men & Stress

She contrasted these findings with men’s stress responses, citing insights from clinical psychologist Rosalind Dorlen noted in the APA article:

Dissociation – Men often disconnect from their feelings, surroundings, or sense of self to cope with stress. A man struggling after abortion may emotionally shut down and avoid thinking about it.
Distraction & Avoidance – Many men engage in excessive work, gaming, drinking, or other activities to avoid confronting their emotions.
Externalization – While women tend to internalize stress, leading to mental and physical health struggles, men are more likely to externalize their distress through impulsivity, aggression, or reckless behaviors.

Michele shared that Dr. Dorlen’s comments that for men, unresolved emotions—such as grief, guilt, anger, or powerlessness — may surface in behaviors that appear unrelated but are actually coping mechanisms. These may include:

Anger & Irritability – Increased aggression toward partners, coworkers, or strangers.
Violence & Conflict – Escalating verbal or physical altercations as an outlet for emotional distress.
Substance Use – Turning to drugs or alcohol to numb unresolved pain.
Control Issues – Overcompensating in other areas of life, especially after feeling powerless in an abortion decision, to control relationships or situations.

Michele quoted Dr. Dorlen, who states that “these behaviors are not reflections of poor character, but rather signs of unprocessed grief.” According to Dr. Dorlen, for many men, who were never taught how to identify or express deep emotions, externalizing becomes a survival instinct. Recognizing these patterns, Michele explained, is the first step toward healing.

WINDOW OF TOLERANCE

Michele introduced the Window of Tolerance as a framework for helping clients regulate their emotions, recognize when they are struggling, and develop support strategies. She explained that this optimal mental and emotional state allows individuals to effectively process emotions and respond to stress in a healthy way.

She encouraged watching the replay or reading the recap of a prior webinar on this topic and noted that a worksheet on the Window of Tolerance is available to help clients better understand their emotional regulation patterns and build resilience.

She outlined how stress responses push people outside of their Window of Tolerance into dysregulation:

Hyperarousal is associated with the fight-or-flight response, where individuals may feel anxious, agitated, or overwhelmed.
Hypoarousal is linked to the freeze response, where individuals may shut down emotionally, feel disconnected, or experience numbness.
The fawn response, as previously discussed, can involve elements of both hyperarousal and hypoarousal—either through heightened anxiety about meeting others’ needs or shutting down as a survival strategy.

Michele emphasized that stress and trauma can shrink a person’s Window of Tolerance, making them more prone to emotional dysregulation. However, through tools and training, individuals can expand their Window of Tolerance, increasing their resilience and ability to remain in a calm, collected state. She noted that with practice, people can become more aware of when they are starting to feel dysregulated and develop strategies to stay within their optimal zone.

Gender Differences in Coping Strategies

Michele then examined how men and women respond differently to stress, citing three studies conducted in 2008, 2019, and 2022 that all reached similar conclusions.

Women tend to use emotion-focused coping strategies, which involve processing feelings, seeking social support, and talking through emotions.
Men tend to use avoidance or problem-solving strategies, often shutting down, withdrawing, or focusing on fixing a problem rather than processing emotions.
Men typically experience hyperarousal in the form of problem-solving, while women often exhibit a “tend and befriend” response.

The “tend and befriend” theory, Michele explained, proposed by psychologist Shelley Taylor in 2000, describes how people – often women – cope with stress by caring for others, seeking social alliances, and using empathy to regulate emotions. This response is linked to oxytocin, a hormone that promotes calming and bonding.

In contrast, men are more likely to withdraw and seek solitude or physical activities as a way to regain emotional balance. Michele noted that societal conditioning plays a role in these differences, as women are often encouraged to express emotions, whereas men are conditioned to suppress them.

She concluded by summarizing the key insight: women tend to find emotional connections and conversation calming, while men often prefer alone time and physical activities to self-regulate.

SUPPORT SYSTEMS: SCIENCE & RESEARCH

Michele shifted the focus to support systems, reinforcing their role in emotional regulation. She explained that support networks help mitigate stress responses by reducing cortisol and adrenaline levels.

To segue into the next section on social integration and support, Michele asked, “So who could be that trusted person or people that achieve this social buffering that can help reduce cortisol and adrenaline and help regulate emotions?” She encouraged providers to consider this question when guiding clients through their healing journey.

SOCIAL INTEGRATION & SOCIAL SUPPORT

Michele explained the distinction between social integration and social support, emphasizing that while both are important, they serve different roles in a person’s life.

She defined social integration as a person’s connection and participation in social networks, highlighting that it involves roles, relationships, and engagement within groups. “The focus is on involvement and quantity,” Michele shared. However, she noted that social integration does not necessarily include direct emotional support—a person may have many acquaintances or participate in multiple groups but still lack meaningful help.

In contrast, social support is centered on the quality of relationships and the help, encouragement, and resources individuals receive from their networks, whether through partners, friends, family, colleagues, or professionals. Michele explained that social support provides psychological, emotional, and material resources that help individuals cope with stress and challenges.

Michele emphasized that social integration and social support do not always align. “Somebody can be very socially integrated, have lots of acquaintances, and participate in multiple groups, but have low social support,” she noted. Conversely, a person with fewer social connections but strong, meaningful relationships may have high social support despite lower social integration.

To engage attendees in self-reflection, Michele introduced a poll to assess their own levels of social integration and support. She asked participants to choose one of five categories:

A: High social integration, low social support
B: Low social integration, low social support
C: Medium social integration, medium social support
D: High social integration, high social support
E: Low social integration, high emotional support

Kylee shared the poll results:

The majority of respondents identified as having medium-to-high social support and integration (categories C and D)
The second most common response was B (low social integration and support)
Smaller percentages fell into categories A (high integration, low support) and E (low integration, high support).

Michele noted that most attendees seemed to have strong support systems, with over half reporting medium-to-high levels of both social integration and support. She noted that a quarter of respondents reported high levels in both areas, which she described as encouraging. Kylee thanked participants for their engagement, noting that half of the attendees participated in the poll.

TYPES OF SOCIAL SUPPORT

Michele introduced a framework used by social workers to identify the types of support available to clients. She emphasized that this approach is not limited to abortion healing but can be applied to anyone in need of support, including those navigating parenting, codependency, or other challenges. She encouraged participants to reflect on their own support networks as they considered these categories.

She outlined the four primary types of social support:

Emotional Support & Empathy – Emotional support involves listening, understanding, and providing reassurance, which is particularly valuable in after-abortion care to help clients process their emotions, reduce isolation, and promote emotional well-being. “This is someone who treats you with compassion and genuine concern,” Michele said.
Informational Support & Advice – This type of support comes from someone who offers suggestions or guidance to help navigate challenges. Michele said, “You would ask this person for advice and trust their judgment.”
Esteem Support & Social Connection – This category includes people who uplift and encourage, helping individuals feel valued. Michele described this as “someone who helps you feel good about yourself. This is a person you like to hang out with.”
Tangible or Practical Support – This type of assistance makes daily life more manageable, such as help with transportation, financial support, or caregiving responsibilities. “You can ask this person for things like a ride or money or help taking care of your kids or your pets,” she said.

“By understanding and differentiating these types of support,” she said, “You can assess your client’s needs and guide them in building a comprehensive support system that addresses the emotional, informational, social, and practical aspects of their well-being.”

She then prompted attendees to reflect on their own experiences:

What type of support do you have the most and least in your life?
Who in your life fills these support roles?
Where do you have gaps?

FACTORS THAT CAN AFFECT A PERSON’S RESPONSE TO STRESS AND SUPPORT

Michele explained that no two Windows of Tolerance are the same. A person’s ability to manage stress and emotions is shaped by factors like personal history, childhood experiences, temperament, social support, and physiology.

She asked if attendees had ever wondered why clients with similar experiences may respond so differently to seeking or receiving support.

From a neurological perspective, Michele shared that positive early caregiving teaches the brain that support from others can provide safety and emotional regulation. A person who grew up feeling secure and supported is more likely to seek comfort from a partner, friend, or counselor. On the other hand, those who experienced neglect, trauma, or a lack of emotional connection in childhood may struggle to ask for help, even when they need it most.

Michele then explored the science behind these patterns, explaining that research shows early supportive relationships foster secure attachment. When caregivers are seen as sources of safety, children develop strong social skills, healthy self-esteem, emotional regulation abilities, and a sense of personal control—factors that significantly impact their ability to receive support in adulthood.

Michele then examined the biological mechanisms that influence a person’s ability to receive and benefit from social support. She introduced putative biological markers, which are believed to help regulate stress responses but are not yet fully confirmed by research.

She outlined three key factors:

Oxytocin (OT) – Often called the bonding hormone, oxytocin is released in close relationships and helps individuals feel safe and calm in stressful situations. A person with a better ability to process oxytocin may be more likely to respond positively to social support.
Neural Priming in the Ventromedial Prefrontal Cortex – This area of the brain is involved in regulating emotions and calming stress responses. Individuals with strong social support may have brains that are primed to activate this function more efficiently, allowing them to manage stress more effectively.
Other Possible Mediators – Chemicals involved in mood, reward, and stress responses play a role in emotional regulation:
- Dopamine & Serotonin – Associated with mood stability and feelings of well-being.
- Opioids – Aid in pain relief and emotional comfort.
- Epinephrine & Norepinephrine – Key chemicals in the fight-flight-freeze response, which social support may help regulate, reducing overactive stress reactions.

How This Relates to Emotional Struggles After Abortion

Michele explained that when a person experiences stressful events, such as abortion-related emotional struggles, their hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis is activated. The HPA axis is a communication system between the hypothalamus, pituitary gland, and adrenal glands, which triggers the body’s stress response.

She emphasized that early attachment experiences influence how effectively this system regulates stress:

Individuals with strong early relationships tend to have a more effective stress-buffering system, allowing them to cope better with emotional challenges after an abortion.
Those with insecure attachment or past trauma may have a less effective stress-buffering system, making their emotional struggles more intense. Their brain may not receive the same calming effect from social support, and their cortisol levels may remain elevated for longer, prolonging emotional distress.

Michele underscored the importance of compassionate, nonjudgmental support, particularly for those who struggle to trust others.

“By offering consistent, non-judgmental care, providers, partners, and support systems can help create a sense of safety, making it easier for someone to process their emotions and heal,” she explained.

SOCIAL SUPPORT NETWORK MAPPING

Michele introduced Social Support Network Mapping as a structured way to assess a client’s support system. She explained that once rapport and trust have been established, providers can use tools such as worksheets, charts, and diagrams to help clients visualize their existing relationships and identify areas where they may need additional support.

She highlighted a free, interactive tool called the Social Support Network Map, created by the Columbia University School of Social Work. “This tool is good for whatever issue you’re working on,” Michele shared, explaining that while it is particularly useful for abortion healing, it can also be applied to clients dealing with abortion decisions, parenting, trauma, or other life challenges.

Michele provided an overview of how the tool works:

1. Naming the Map – Clients assign a name to their map, such as Linda’s Abortion Healing Support, to tailor it to their specific needs.
2. Assessing Relationships – Clients identify the people in their support system and answer key questions:
  - How close are you to this person? (Very close, somewhat close, not close)
  - What kind of influence does this person have on you? (Positive, neutral, negative)
  - What kind of support does this person provide? (Emotional, informational, social, or practical)
  - What makes this person special as a support figure? (Clients can add personal notes)
3. Analyzing the Map – Once completed, the map provides a visual representation of the client’s strongest areas of support and gaps where additional support may be needed. Providers can help clients reflect on their networks by asking questions such as:
  - What keeps you from asking Jane for advice?
  - What keeps you from asking Amber to hang out?

Who might you add to this map? Is there anyone else you could ask for support?

Privacy and Alternative Options

Michele noted that for privacy reasons, Columbia’s website does not save map data, but clients can print or export their maps for future reference. However, this feature is only available on desktop or laptop computers — it does not work on mobile devices.

For situations where digital tools may not be practical, Michele introduced an alternative: a printable handout version of the Social Support Network Map. “You can use Columbia’s system to get familiar with the questions, and then you could use the handout when that’s appropriate for you,” she said.

She also shared an additional Social Support Self-Assessment tool from the University of California Santa Cruz Counseling and Psychological Services, explaining that providers might find value in completing these exercises themselves.

“In addition to your own benefit, working through this for yourselves may give you more insights for your clients as you help them identify and strengthen their support networks,” she said.

“Who Can I Trust?” Exercise

For clients who struggle to identify support figures, Michele introduced a supplemental tool: the Who Can I Trust? exercise, which is rooted in healthy relationships and trauma recovery. Clients reflect on three key questions:

Who feels safe to share my emotions with?
Who has shown consistency and care in my life?
Who has a healthy perspective and won’t shame or pressure me?

Michele encouraged providers to incorporate Social Support Network Mapping into their programs where it naturally fits. She suggested how to do this with Support After Abortion’s resources. In Keys to Hope and Healing, it aligns well with Key 2, You Are Not Alone. And, in Unraveled Roots, it can be introduced “organically whenever a conversation about support systems would benefit the client.”

SELF-ADVOCACY AND SELF-COMPASSION

Michele emphasized the importance of self-advocacy in both personal healing and client care. She explained that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to sharing emotions or seeking support, even for the same individual. What feels helpful at one point may not be beneficial in another situation, and different people provide different kinds of support. Share shared research from

She encouraged providers to help clients evaluate what support feels right for them by asking key questions, such as:

Does talking about it help, or does it make things worse?
Is that always the case, or does it depend on the person or situation?
How does a particular type of support actually make you feel?

Michele noted that when working with partners, providers “can encourage them to check in with each other about what’s working and what’s not,” reinforcing that self-advocacy also plays a role in strengthening relationships.

The Importance of Self-Compassion

Michele then shifted to the topic of self-compassion, acknowledging that relationship work is difficult, especially when individuals are not prioritizing their own well-being. She encouraged providers to remind their clients — and themselves — to practice self-kindness.

“As providers, you’re on the front lines, hearing deep, often painful stories, holding space for clients as they process their experiences and navigate the complex routes that have led them to this moment,” Michele said, recognizing the emotional toll of this work as providers also juggle their own emotions, work, and family responsibilities.

“It’s a lot,” she acknowledged. “So just as you encourage your clients to be kind to themselves, you deserve that same self-compassion.”

To support this practice, Michele introduced the Tips for Practicing Self-Compassion in Healing handout, which offers actionable strategies for providers and clients. She encouraged providers to give themselves permission to acknowledge the weight of their work, rest when needed, and extend grace to themselves as they do for others.

Q&A

After covering the session’s key topics, Michele invited attendees to submit their remaining questions in the chat.

Kylee Heap emphasized that one of the motivations for this discussion was the challenge many providers face in offering the best possible care while seeing vastly different responses from clients. She also noted that loneliness remains a significant struggle for many individuals, whether due to actual isolation or a self-imposed withdrawal from support networks.

Q: How can we support someone who is highly social but feels unsupported?

A: Kylee responded that awareness is an important first step. She encouraged providers who find themselves surrounded by people but have never actively sought emotional support to use the tools discussed in the webinar and consider if “there’s somebody that’s coming to your mind who may be somebody that you can lean on.”

She also addressed that some people may avoid leaning on others due to trauma, explaining that for some individuals, accepting support feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable. “This may be your prompt today. This may be the one thing that you’re supposed to take away from this meeting—to say you deserve support,” Kylee said. She encouraged providers in finding that support for themselves so they can “be the healthiest self you can be in caring for others.”

Q: When is the best time to introduce the Social Support Network Mapping tool to a client?

A: Kylee explained that there’s no single right moment, but rather opportunities where the tool can be particularly effective. She appreciated the earlier mention of incorporating it into Support After Abortion’s programs. And she noted that ”so many of you have wonderful resources that you use” where they could reflect “on where network mapping tool might be effective.”

She shared that “when a client initiates a desire to explore their support system or … reflect on the people in their life” is a great time to suggest Social Support Network Mapping. When a client expresses feelings of isolation—such as saying “I feel so alone” or “I don’t have anyone to talk to”—might indicate a good time to introduce the tool, after trust has been established, she explained.

Kylee also noted that for clients with low trust, providers can give them the tool to complete on their own rather than walking through it together. This approach may allow individuals to be more honest in assessing their relationships without feeling pressure to discuss their responses immediately.

Q: When clients want support but hesitate to talk to their partner, friends, or family, how can we encourage them?

A: Kylee advised not to rush these clients. She explained that their hesitation might indicate:

A lack of safe individuals in their life
Uncertainty about who to trust
General reservations about leaning on others

She recommended starting with validation by acknowledging their feelings and concerns. Providers can then help clients explore what’s holding them back, such as fear of judgment or not wanting to feel like a burden.

She also emphasized the importance of connection for emotional healing and suggested alternative support systems, such as therapy or support groups, as stepping stones.

Additionally, Kylee encouraged normalizing the idea that setting boundaries is a healthy part of leaning on others. “I think sometimes that when we begin to lean, we think we have to lean all the way,” she explained. “But you’re still in charge.” Clients should feel in control of the pace and depth of their conversations when seeking support.

She shared a personal insight: “One of the things that was brought to me—when I was going through something really difficult in my life—is the gift that we give other people by allowing them to support us.” She encouraged attendees to reframe receiving support as an opportunity for connection, rather than a burden.

Q: How can we help clients evaluate whether someone in their support network has truly shown consistency and care?

A: Kylee suggested that providers guide clients through reflection by asking them to recall specific experiences with their support figures. She recommended key questions to help assess trustworthiness:

- When you felt overwhelmed, did this person show up?

Did they seem judgmental?

Did they give you space or make you feel rushed?

Do they validate you?

Do they regularly offer comfort, when you share something with them?

Do you have that icky sticky feeling after the fact where you’re like, “Why, why did I do that?”

She also encouraged recognizing unhealthy patterns. If a client frequently feels worse after reaching out to someone or experiences withdrawal, harshness, or codependency in response, that person may not be a safe or reliable source of support.

Q: How can we help clients identify and navigate negative influences in their support network?

A: Kylee advised paying attention to how a person makes them feel and whether they can count on them consistently. She highlighted common red flags of unsupportive relationships:

Unreliable or unpredictable behavior
Deflecting the conversation back onto themselves instead of offering support
Competing for emotional attention rather than listening
Judgmental or dismissive responses to personal struggles

She reminded providers that support does not have to come from an immediate social circle. If clients struggle with unhealthy relationships in their network, they can seek support in other ways, such as virtual support groups, colleagues, faith communities, or professional counselors.

“It’s recognizing that if it’s not this person, there’s other people,” she shared. “It might be that virtual group that you sign up for. It might be your colleague. It might be your church. It might be something that you just haven’t thought of before.”

RESOURCES FOR THIS WEBINAR

Click here to access the HANDOUTS from this webinar.

Click here to Columbia University’s Social Support Network Mapping tool

Click to access our Window of Tolerance webinar video replay and written recap

Click here to watch the video of this webinar.

NEXT STEPS

Click here to register for the next Abortion Healing Provider webinar.

Click here to access Support After Abortion’s Resource Library.

Click here to explore Support After Abortion’s services, resources, and training for Abortion Healing Providers.