One man’s story of how he pushed down his feelings and grief after abortion for decades and how abortion healing helped him confront long-buried pain, reshape his legacy, and become a more compassionate husband, father, and man.
MEN’S HEALING AFTER ABORTION
When abortion becomes part of a man’s story, it’s not uncommon for him to push it down. But pain doesn’t stay buried. It finds cracks. It seeps into everything.
After his abortion experience, Osei (pronounced Oh-SAY-ee) boxed up the pain, sealed it tight, and moved on. He didn’t think it affected him… until years later when emotions he didn’t know he was carrying cracked open—and he pushed them down again for decades.
Osei’s story speaks to the often-overlooked male experience of abortion and the truth that hope and healing are possible.
Want to jump forward?
🎥Watch Osei’s story now »—and come back later for the behind the scenes details.
🧭Looking for support? Call or text the After Abortion Line at 844-289-HOPE (4673) or visit supportafterabortion.com for confidential, compassionate support.
WHY MEN’S ABORTION STORIES LIKE OSEI’S MATTER
At Support After Abortion, we’ve seen how powerful men’s stories can be. Hearing someone say, “Here’s what I went through—and here’s how I started to heal,” can be the first step toward hope.
Science backs that up. When we connect with someone’s story, our brains release oxytocin—the chemical tied to empathy and connection. And it’s not just powerful for the listener. Sharing their truth in a way that feels safe and honored for the storyteller can ease anxiety, spark connection, and begin the shift from shame to healing.
That’s why we created this video series. Real stories. Real voices. Shared with care.
👉 Learn more about this in our webinar, The Power of Storytelling.
NO ONE KNEW I WAS HURTING – OSEI’S STORY
READ THE VIDEO TRANSCRIPT BELOW OR ▶️ Watch Osei’s Story
Then keep reading for:
- Powerful moments that didn’t make the final cut
- A behind-the-scenes look at how we honor these stories
- Tips to care for yourself after hearing someone’s pain and challenges
- Tips for you from Osei and resources to start your own healing journey
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
THE WEIGHT NO ONE SAW
A Bob Marley song has been playing in my head recently, especially the lines “You can’t run away from yourself,” and “Every man thinks his burden is the heaviest.” It made me think back to when I was surrounded by people, and none of them knew what was weighing on me. I was in a hole and didn’t see a way out. I was actually contemplating ending my life and… just… running away from myself. And nobody knew because I didn’t let them in.
I’m Osei and here’s my story:
WHERE THE REGRET BEGAN
My dad left when I was very young. I lived with my mom in the village where my parents grew up. Our church was very rigid and strict. When I got older, I didn’t want any part of it. I started drinking and partying. I felt I had a good life. I had a great job, a car, and a girlfriend… I would say I was living my dream.
My mom had always told me, “You better not get anyone pregnant.” But I didn’t think about it. I guess I believed it wouldn’t happen—until it did.
My girlfriend at the time also had very strict rules. And, having a child could ruin things with her parents who were sponsoring her and her sister to go to America. We both agreed that abortion was our only option.
I don’t remember much of that day. I don’t recall how she got to the clinic or how I felt. The one thing I do remember is how sad she was when I picked her up afterwards. Even though we had both agreed, seeing her deep sadness… I felt like I had forced her into it.
BOXED AWAY SECRET
My life took a lot of turns after that. I’m not sure I could say that I was operating out of pain because I didn’t think about it. It was a secret I locked away in a box.
When I was 20, we moved to America. At this point my dad’s mom, who had left when he was five, and my mom’s mom were both living in the US. When they sponsored my parents, I was able to go too because I was under 21. I didn’t want to leave my country, but my sister convinced me I would have a better future in America.
MEMORIES RESURFACED—AND RE-BOXED
So, there I was, a few years after the abortion, attending a church in Brooklyn. I was still drinking and doing different stuff, but I was beginning to think about having a family, and I wanted a different life for myself. I’ve always loved music, so when I was given the opportunity to play the drums on the worship team—if I would take my faith more seriously—I did.
During worship one Sunday, out of nowhere, I had feelings of intense guilt and shame. It was like a voice in my head reminding me of what I had done. I walked out of the church.
My cousin and her friend, who’s now my wife, followed me. I was very emotional. For the first time, I felt the weight of it all, and it was unbearable. They were the first people to know other than my ex-girlfriend. I can’t remember the words they said to console me, but I went back inside the church with them.
After that, I reached out to my ex and apologized. I was relieved to find out that she had gone on to have children and seemed happy.
Then, I put the secret back in the box for another twenty years.
FINALLY FACING IT
I got married, had children, and took on some big issues in my life, like alcohol and old deep-rooted habits.
One Sunday a guest speaker at our church talked about the local pregnancy center and their work. I really felt pulled to volunteer. They require volunteers who have experienced abortion to go through an abortion healing program. The one I did was called Healing a Father’s Heart.
That really opened up a lot of things for me. I had never related to certain emotions, I didn’t have language to express them. Truly, I was just horrible at it. Except for anger. Anyone who knows me will say I’m really good at expressing anger.
The abortion healing process helped me to be more empathetic, compassionate, and understanding toward people—even my mom, who had been so harsh about not getting a girl pregnant. I did the math from when she got married and when my sister was born. When I figured out that she got pregnant before they were married, I better understood her fears for me.
I realized patterns in my family… unintended pregnancies, broken relationships, alcohol, codependency… And I wanted to leave a different legacy—to start putting in the groundwork so that my kids and grandkids can build on that.
ADVICE FOR OTHER MEN IMPACTED BY ABORTION
My advice for other men is to not do what I did for so long—to not ignore or run away from the hard work of facing the painful part of our lives. Reach out for support and help from others. We’re not alone. And our burdens aren’t the heaviest, if we allow others to help us shoulder it. Letting others in—like abortion healing did for me—can make all the difference.
MORE OF OSEI’S STORY: WHAT DIDN’T MAKE THE VIDEO
Osei shared more with us than could fit into the short video—some of it was painful. Some of it hopeful. All of it real.
Here are a few powerful moments that didn’t make the final cut—but still speak volumes:
Keeping Silent After Abortion
Osei boxed away the memory of the abortion.
It was a secret I didn’t share with anyone. And I didn’t spend time thinking about it. That’s how I dealt with things—I locked them away and moved on.
Even years later, when Osei would tell parts of his story—like his struggles with alcohol and his divorce and remarriage—he didn’t share about the abortion.
I was always compassionate and people would tell me their stories. But I would never tell them mine.
The abortion was not something I would talk about. It was tucked away in a nice box, and I was like, “God, you can have all this other stuff, but not this.
Disenfranchised Grief
Disenfranchised grief affects many people who have experienced abortion, especially men. It’s when grief isn’t openly acknowledged, socially accepted, or publicly mourned.
Our white paper on our men’s research points out that “men often have a difficult time talking about their abortion experiences and how they have been impacted.”
Dr. Brian Nguyen, a professor and reproductive health researcher, told the New York Times that because men are often excluded from conversations about abortion, that “fosters a societal expectation that they shouldn’t speak about it even among their closest network of friends and family.”
Isolation from Church
Taking this a step further, people often tell us that they can’t talk to their church leaders or fellow believers about their abortion experiences and struggles. In fact, none of the women in our research studies said they would seek help after abortion from clergy, and only 7% of men said they would. Often people say they fear judgment or condemnation. This was true for Osei, too.
For me, I only saw the church on the front side—”don’t have an abortion.” I never saw the church on the back end—never saw the church as part of the healing process for people who have experienced abortion. It’s one of the reasons I never talked about it publicly, right?
When I finally did share, my pastor—who’d known me for over 10 years—said, “I never knew that.” And I thought, “Yeah, you and like 95% of people in my life,” right? Because there was shame and regret attached to it.
Your Feelings are Valid
Like our Grief After Abortion: 10 Things Everyone Should Know article says, “Recognizing that your feelings are valid, even if no one else sees or understands them, is a crucial step toward healing. You don’t have to carry your grief in silence—there are others who can help you hold the weight.”
👉Our blog After Abortion Healing: From Isolation to Hope shows how sharing your story in the right space can break through silence and lead to healing. It reminds us that healing often begins with being heard and accepted.
Volunteering Led To Healing And Growth
Serving others was a regular part of Osei’s life.
I became very involved in my church. I helped out a lot—I’d arrive early, and I’d stay late. Eventually, I decided I needed to give more of myself. The way I was volunteering didn’t really demand much of me.
People who have been impacted by abortion often feel drawn to help others—sometimes even before they’ve had a chance to process their own pain. That was true for Osei.
Every time the conversation about abortion would come up, it really hit me that there was no man. I felt like I needed to volunteer in some way.
He stepped up to volunteer before realizing just how much his own experience was still shaping him. And it became the catalyst for his own healing journey and growth.
Anyone who had experienced abortion was required to go through a nine-week healing program before they could volunteer. Before those nine weeks, I hadn’t realized how my abortion experience tied into the rest of my life story. That program helped me unravel the reasons why I felt we had no choices.
And volunteering and mentoring other men didn’t just come after healing—it’s a part of Osei’s continued healing.
I began volunteering, working with men on fatherhood. One thing I have learned is if I’m trying to help guys, I can’t sit on a pedestal thinking I’ve got it all figured out. I tell dads all the time, I’m a father, a grandfather, a husband—and all that means is I’ve probably seen some things you haven’t seen yet. It doesn’t mean anything else. I’m in progress, too. I continue to heal and grow as a man and a father.
👉Do you have a heart to help people heal after abortion? Click here to learn about opportunities to volunteer with Support After Abortion.
Abortion Healing Led To Empathy And Forgiveness—For Myself And Others
Healing didn’t just help Osei understand his abortion experience. It reshaped how he viewed people, pain, and even himself.
The abortion healing program also helped me be more empathetic and compassionate toward people. Even when I hear stories on the news, it’s given me a different perspective. It’s not just a headline, it’s a person. And their stories have more meaning for me now.
That shift in perspective extended beyond the news. As Osei began to reflect on his past, he recognized patterns in his own life that he had never named before.
I also learned things about myself that surprised me. I’d always been proud of my ability to forgive people, but really, I was just cutting them out of my life. But, that’s not really forgiveness, right? It just means I never have to deal with you again.
He realized that what he once considered strength was actually a form of self-protection—shaped by hurt and broken relationships.
It was a season in my life when that was just how I dealt with pain. I had a lot of broken relationships, and I blamed everybody but myself. But as I started to grow, learn, and really look at stuff, I realized the common denominator in all these relationships was me.
The Hardest Person To Forgive: Myself
One of the hardest and most transformative steps, Osei says, has been learning to offer compassion and forgiveness to himself.
Learning to forgive myself, learning to give myself grace, even today, it’s one of those things that I’m pretty new at.
Self-judgment can show up in all sorts of ways:
- Harsh inner dialogue
- Reliving what you think you “should’ve” done
- Feeling undeserving of happiness
- Keeping busy so you don’t have to feel
Healing doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t happen. It means making peace with it—and learning to treat yourself with empathy and kindness.
Anger: The Emotion Men Are Allowed To Have
Before healing, Osei could only name one emotion easily: anger.
Anyone who knows me will say I’m really good at expressing anger.
Osei admitted plainly:
I was just horrible at emotions—except anger. Having language for my emotions and expressing them—it’s a work in progress.
That’s something we hear from a lot of men. Not because they don’t feel deeply, but because they haven’t been given the words or space to name those deeper feelings.
But healing often begins when we start asking “What’s going on under this reaction?”
If that’s something you relate to, you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.
👉Both Keys to Hope and Healing and Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion can help you work through anger—and its flipside, forgiveness.
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE AN ABORTION WAS YOUR FAULT
One of the heaviest burdens men carry after abortion is the sense that they failed to prevent it or that they persuaded or pressured their partner.
Even when both people agreed, like Osei and his girlfriend, some men still feel the weight of responsibility.
Even though we had both agreed, seeing her deep sadness… I felt like I had forced her into it.
That can create intense guilt and shame.
But replaying the past on repeat or beating yourself up aren’t healthy. Healing comes through acknowledging the truth—both the facts and the feelings—and allowing grace and self-compassion to meet you there.
👉Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion has an impactful chapter to help you unpack your role in abortion with courage and compassion; and explore how guilt, shame, and regret can keep you stuck; and then work through a path forward.
WHEN FAMILY PATTERNS RUN DEEP
Osei talked about the patterns he saw in his family: broken relationships, alcohol, early pregnancies, codependency.
One of the things I found in my life was the patterns that went back to my ancestors. I realized I didn’t want to pass that down. I want to leave a different legacy.
That realization hits hard for a lot of people. Maybe you’ve seen the generational cycle play out—or maybe you’re starting to notice it now—echoes of pain, silence, or dysfunction from one generation to the next.
The good news? Noticing it is the first crack in the chain.
As Osei said:
That intergenerational trauma doesn’t fix itself. You have to start doing the work.
Want a place to start? Unraveled Roots helps unpack underlying pain that can show up in relationships, choices, and habits—so you can start building something different for yourself and for those who come after you.
And if you’re curious about how generational trauma works and how abortion can be part of that cycle, read our blog
👉 The Impact of Generational Trauma and How to Heal from It
LISTENING WITH COMPASSION, RESPONDING WITH CARE
From Our Side of the Story
At Support After Abortion, storytelling is an honor—and a responsibility. Behind every story is a real person who has lived through pain. And our role is to make sure their voice, their experience, is handled with care, empathy, and respect.
When we interview someone sharing their story, we prioritize compassion, collaboration, and ethical, trauma-informed storytelling best practices.
Our process prioritizes agency and collaboration. We invite them to share whatever feels important to them in their lived experience and healing journey. Then we write their story based on what they’ve shared. Their words shape the content, the tone, and the direction. And we involve them in the script editing and approval process.
That protection of their story—and their privacy—is why we don’t use the person’s real name or the real names of anyone in their story. It’s why we omit any details that might identify them. And it’s why we use an actor to portray the individual’s story.
“It’s not just about how a story moves others,” our communications manager, Michele Mazelin, said, “It’s also about how we handle what someone trusts us with.”
These conversations matter. And for some, sharing their story becomes part of their healing journey.
👉Your voice matters. If you’d like to share your story, we’d be honored to listen. Click here.
TIPS FOR YOU: HOW TO CARE FOR YOURSELF AFTER HEARING A HARD STORY
Whether you just watched Osei’s story or read it here—or someone shared something painful with you—you might be feeling something—maybe sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion. Maybe it stirred your own memories. That’s all normal.
Here are a few ideas that can help you check in and reset:
- Pause before moving on. Take a breath or step outside. Let yourself feel.
- Ask yourself what you’re carrying. The emotions you’re feeling—do they belong to you?
- Journal or jot down your thoughts. Get it out of your head and onto paper.
- Meditate or pray. Seek peace—for yourself and for the people in the story.
- Talk with someone. It’s okay to say, “That story hit me harder than I expected.”
- Do something grounding. Go for a walk. Watch something light. Cook dinner. Do what helps you come back to yourself.
- Build in reset time. Create simple before-and-after habits to support yourself when conversations get heavy.
For more practical guidance, read our article on Tips for Compassionate Conversations and our webinar recap on Healthy Helping.
Taking care of yourself helps you keep showing up with compassion and clarity.
WISDOM HARD-EARNED AFTER ABORTION AND FREELY SHARED
Today, Osei works with men, coaching them through challenges of fatherhood, purpose, and growth. He knows the road isn’t easy, but it’s essential.
If we have a leaning building, no one looks at it and says we need to fix the paint job or change the window. We all know it’s a foundational issue, right? In life, there’s a lot of things that have happened to us. Some of it is our fault and our choices. Others are our circumstances or parents or community, all that stuff.
His advice to other men?
Start examining your life, your habits—healthy and unhealthy ones—and from there start dealing with those questions as they come up.
That kind of honest reflection led Osei to recognize some patterns he could no longer ignore.
I mentioned relationship problems. The scary thing was when I realized three women in my life all said the same thing about me within a two-year period. I thought it was really weird. I thought either they all got a problem, or I got a problem.
Don’t ignore that anymore. Start to examine it. Start digging. Work through dealing with all the sides: physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, spiritual. You’re a whole person. So stop ignoring the painful parts—or whatever parts—and start working through it.
HELP FOR MEN AFTER ABORTION: START YOUR OWN ABORTION HEALING JOURNEY
If Osei’s abortion and healing story stirred something up for you, that may be the very place your own healing begins.
Whether this touched something recent or something long buried, it matters.
Nearly three-fourths of men in our research study told us they were negatively impacted after abortion, and even more — over 80%—said they could have benefited from talking to someone about their experience.
You matter. And healing is possible.
Here are some ways to take the next step toward healing:
👉 Try a self-guided resource like
Keys to Hope and Healing (secular)
Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion (religious)
📅New for January: Men’s Healing Group Using Finding Solid Ground Meets weekly for six-weeks via Zoom. Tuesdays JAN 20-FEB 24 from 2:00-3:30pm ET. Free. Apply now to join.
👉 Or connect with someone who gets it.
Call or text the After Abortion Line at 844-289-HOPE (4673) or visit supportafterabortion.com for anonymous, compassionate support.
👉 Learn more about healing for men. Explore our Men’s Healing Resources
FINAL THOUGHTS
Osei’s story reminds us that:
- Men carry abortion pain too.
- Shame isolates—but healing connects.
- And, as Osei said, even the heaviest burdens get lighter when we let someone else help carry them.
© Support After Abortion
We always welcome your feedback! If something in this blog struck a chord—or left you thinking—feel free to share your thoughts here.