One man’s story of abortion healing—from a decades-old college secret to honoring his child, helping others, and finding peace.
MEN’S HEALING AFTER ABORTION
When abortion is part of a man’s story, emotions often run underground—anger, sadness, guilt, regret, confusion. Many men wait years or decades to say any of it out loud.
In our research on men impacted by abortion:
- 71% reported adverse effects afterward, like depression, anxiety, sadness, anger, and behavioral changes.
- 83% said they could have benefited from talking to someone, and
- only 18% knew where to get help
Those numbers point to a gap—and a path forward. Real stories like Keith’s help close that gap by naming the struggle and pointing to practical ways to heal.
After his college girlfriend’s abortion, Keith kept going. He finished classes. He made a life. But years later—at the birth of his child and later in a men’s group—the sealed up grief inside him cracked through. Keith’s story is about what many men discover: pain doesn’t disappear when you push it down. Hidden grief and mixed emotions can stick around—and surface at life milestones, holidays, even ordinary moments. Keith’s journey shows how naming the pain, receiving support that fits you, and taking small steps can give you hope and bring healing and peace.
Want to jump forward?
🎥 Watch Keith’s story now »—and come back later for the behind-the-scenes details.
🧭Looking for support? Call or text the After Abortion Line at 844-289-HOPE (4673) or visit supportafterabortion.com for anonymous, compassionate support.
WHY MEN’S ABORTION STORIES LIKE KEITH’S MATTER
At Support After Abortion, we’ve seen how powerful men’s stories can be. Hearing someone say, “Here’s what I went through—and here’s how I started to heal,” can be the first step toward hope.
Science backs that up. When we connect with someone’s story, our brains release oxytocin—the chemical tied to empathy and connection. And it’s not just powerful for the listener. Sharing their truth in a way that feels safe and honored for the storyteller can ease anxiety, spark connection, and begin the shift from shame to healing.
That’s why we created this video series. Real stories. Real voices. Shared with care.
👉 Learn more about this in our The Power of Storytelling webinar recap.
Keep reading for:
- The full transcript of Keith’s video
- Powerful moments that didn’t make the final cut
- A behind-the-scenes look at how we honor these stories
- Tips to care for yourself after hearing someone’s pain and challenges
- Tips for you from Keith and resources to start your own healing journey
FROM SILENCE TO HEALING – KEITH’S STORY
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
COLLEGE DREAMS COLLIDE WITH AN UNEXPECTED PREGNANCY
Hi. My name is Keith. And this is my story.
It was 1978 and I was just starting my junior year of college. My girlfriend and I took a big step and decided to live together. There we were in beautiful San Diego, happy, loving each other, living what felt like the best days of our lives.
Then sometime that fall, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We were blindsided. We had never discussed what we might do if we got pregnant. We had never discussed getting married or having kids. We were just focused on being students who would one day get amazing jobs and make our families proud. I was the first one in my family to even go to college. There was so much at stake.
After the initial shock, we just held each other and cried.
We were only 20 and 21 years old. We didn’t see ourselves as parents. The timing wasn’t right, nothing was right.
I don’t know how many nights we cried together after a full day at school, talking it through, trying to see the possibilities. But we decided that abortion was the only option for us.
CLINIC DAY AND AFTER-ABORTION GRIEF
She scheduled the procedure. I remember it was on a Friday. It’s strange the little details you remember like that. I drove her to the clinic and offered to walk her in. But, she told me to stay in the car. I couldn’t find a parking spot, so I drove around the block a few times. I finally found a space, but didn’t stay there very long. I just couldn’t be still, I guess. At some point, I started driving around the block again. Then suddenly, she came walking out of the building.
The drive home was silent, the air thick with unspoken words and heavy hearts. You could just feel the tension. Once we got inside our apartment, the dam broke. We sobbed, asking ourselves, “What have we done?”
We were never the same after that. And, eventually, we went our separate ways.
FIRST BIRTH, MIXED EMOTIONS: JOY AND SAD MEMORIES
Years later, I got married and our first child was born. When I saw our baby, I felt a mix of intense joy and deep sadness. There I was, gazing at this precious gift, and at the same time, remembering the life that was lost eleven years earlier.
BREAKING THE SILENCE: TELLING MY ABORTION STORY YEARS LATER
It wasn’t until sixteen years later that I first told anyone about the struggle going on inside of me. I was in a men’s group, and we were sharing pains and pasts that we wished had never happened. The men listened as I told my story, but it wasn’t a healing group, so it didn’t go further than that.
At some point, I shared my story with my wife. She was quietly understanding – and that was what I needed. I needed a safe space to talk, and she gave me that.
Over the years, I began sharing my story, when it felt right, in men’s events and groups. I didn’t realize at first that talking about it was helping me heal. Being open didn’t leave room for shame. Eventually, I went from hiding and feeling ashamed to openly sharing and healing. There was still work to be done, though.
I knew that I wanted more healing, but I didn’t know how to go about it.
A DOOR TO ABORTION HEALING OPENS
One day, an organization came and spoke at my church. Part of their mission was to help women and men impacted by abortion. That intrigued me and I really wanted to get involved. Then COVID hit.
Two years passed and I guess I got amnesia, because I had forgotten all my excitement to join their mission of supporting men and women who are hurting after abortion. But the group came back to our church, and this time I signed up.
The first step was to share why I wanted to get involved, so I told my abortion story. In that meeting, there were seven of us sharing. Everyone’s story was different, but we were all there because we had been impacted by abortion.
MEMORIALIZATION AFTER ABORTION: CHOOSING A NAME, HONORING MY CHILD
Two women who told their stories mentioned the names of their unborn children. That really struck me. I had never thought about naming mine.
After that meeting, I went through the Keys to Hope and Healing introductory abortion support program with a mentor. I felt like I was finally on a path to peace and transformation.
When the program talked about moving through grief, it suggested honoring your child by choosing a name and by having some type of memorial moment. So, I decided to name and honor my child.
I gathered a small group of family and friends at a local nature spot. They listened as I shared my story, my regrets, and my promise to help anyone walking in the same shoes that I once wore. At the end, we released bubbles. It was an amazing and gratifying morning.
FROM SECRECY TO SERVICE: VOLUNTEERING AND PAYING IT FORWARD
And I’ve kept my promise—I now volunteer to help others find the healing that has made such an impact on my own life.
MORE OF KEITH’S STORY: WHAT DIDN’T MAKE THE VIDEO
Keith shared more with us than what could fit into the short video—some of it was painful. Some of it hopeful. All of it real.
Here are a few powerful moments that didn’t make the final cut—but still speak volumes:
SILENCE, REGRET, AND TRIGGERS AFTER ABORTION
Unprocessed feelings after abortion can linger, affecting relationships, mental health, and overall well-being. For some—like Keith, the emotional impact doesn’t surface until years later, often around big life events like births, graduations, anniversaries, weddings, and holidays.
But the silence isn’t always empty. Sometimes it’s filled with a growing weight of “what ifs” and years of unspoken emotion.
When you look at every moment of a given day and do that over a one-year period, over a 45-year period—the list of things you can regret is mind boggling. I wrote a page of regrets from her birth, her youth, her first child, me being a grandparent to her children. I stopped because I couldn’t exhaust them, and to keep listing them out wouldn’t help me. – Keith
Regret can make triggers more potent. And those triggers don’t always come with flashing warning signs. A comment, a song, a scent, a social media post—really anything—can stir deep, unexpected emotions.
It’s not just about memories—it’s how our brains respond to past pain we haven’t fully processed or that hasn’t fully healed. A trigger might leave you feeling numb, angry, overwhelmed, or like you’re reliving something you thought was behind you.
Why? Because your nervous system is responding to a wound that deserves care. Recognizing a trigger for what it is—and giving yourself space to respond with compassion—can be a powerful step toward healing.
👉 Read more about navigating triggers in our article, Handling Holiday Triggers After Abortion
MEMORIALIZATION—WHY IT HELPS AFTER ABORTION AND HOW TO KEEP IT PERSONAL
Part of Keith’s healing journey involved memorialization—creating a simple, dignifying moment to honor his child.
When a child comes into the world, their arrival is widely celebrated. When a child dies, it’s also widely honored. I wanted to celebrate and mourn all at the same time. – Keith
Grief experts often say that mourning needs outward expression to heal. Memorializing your child(ren) can help you process and express your feelings in a healthy way. And it can provide an opportunity for reflection and growth as you move through your journey of healing after abortion.
A few memorialization ideas—use what feels right for you:
- Choose a name for your child or a symbol that holds meaning.
- Write a letter or a short note and read it aloud in a private place.
- Light a candle, plant a tree or flower, carry a small keepsake, get a tattoo…
- Create a quiet moment—alone or with a trusted person—to speak what’s true for you.
- Mark the day in a simple way (a walk, a small act of service, a private prayer).
Memorialization is optional and personal; there’s no single “right” way. For Keith, holding a public event for family and friends where he spoke about his child, named her, and promised to help others made the day feel honest and hopeful for him.
Another man shared with us that he went by himself to a meaningful spot and buried a memory box of items that he’d prepared for his unborn son. That memorial—and having a concrete place to return to—became part of healing his deep grief.
Your version might look similar or completely different—solo or with someone you trust, faith-based or secular, outdoors or at home. Whatever works best for you.
👉 Read more about memorialization in our article, The Power of Memorialization in Abortion Healing
PREGNANCY AND ABORTION PRESSURES FOR COLLEGE STUDENTS
There was so much at stake. I was the first one in my family to go to college.
– Keith
Keith and his girlfriend experienced abortion during college. At the time, they were focused on their education, dreaming of their futures—and not prepared for the unexpected pregnancy. Scared and worried about what it would mean and afraid to tell anyone, they made the decision alone and faced their emotions afterward alone.
Nearly 50 years later, that context still matters today: many students juggle classes, jobs, financial strain, and relationship stress. An unintended pregnancy can add to the pressures—academic, social, and personal.
Women aged 20-24 have the highest rate of unintended pregnancy and abortion in the U.S—they account for half of all unintended pregnancies and one-third of all abortions. College is a big factor, with nearly 40% of women saying that one of their main reasons for seeking abortion is that “having a baby would interfere with their education.”
Some report feeling relieved after abortion; others describe a mix of grief, guilt, emptiness, depression, or anxiety. These after-abortion emotions can intensify the depression and anxiety that is part of the mental health crisis among college students today.
👉 Read more about the impact of abortion for college students and how to support them in our article, Empower Your After-Abortion Support for College Students: Essential Insights & Strategies.
WHEN FATHER WOUNDS COMPLICATE GRIEF AFTER ABORTION
Keith shared about growing up without a consistently present father—and deciding to parent differently.
The dad I had didn’t do anything. He made a lot of kids, but was never available. I had to seek him out. And then he acted like we talked everyday, but it was all meaningless. I told myself, “When I become a dad I’m not going to be that.” – Keith
Some men carry two layers of pain: the abortion grief itself and earlier wounds tied to an absent or inconsistent father. That old ache can supercharge today’s emotions: anger shows up faster, shame sticks longer, and it feels harder to trust your story with anyone.
Small, doable helps:
- Name the layer: “I’m grieving this loss—and I’m also feeling a previous father wound.”
- Borrow a better model: Picture how a good father would respond to you right now: steady, present, not panicked.
- Grieve on purpose: Set a short window (a walk, a prayer, a page in a journal) to feel what you feel without trying to fix or hide it.
- One safe person: Share with someone you can trust. If you’d rather keep it anonymous than tell someone you know, you can reach out to our After Abortion Line or share your story through our website.
- Meaning over perfection: If you’re a dad now, show up consistently. You don’t have to be perfect or “get it all right,” just be there and connect with your kids.
👉If you’d like to explore more, check out our webinar on Addressing Absent Father Wounds.
LISTENING WITH COMPASSION, RESPONDING WITH CARE
From Our Side of the Story
At Support After Abortion, storytelling is an honor—and a responsibility. Behind every story is a real person who has lived through pain. And our role is to make sure their voice, their experience, is handled with care, empathy, and respect.
When we interview someone sharing their story, we prioritize compassion, collaboration, and ethical, trauma-informed storytelling best practices.
Our process prioritizes agency and collaboration. We invite them to share whatever feels important to them in their lived experience and healing journey. Then we write their story based on what they’ve shared. Their words shape the content, the tone, the direction. Their experience leads the way. And we involve them in the script editing and approval process.
That protection of their story—and their privacy—is why we don’t use the person’s real name or the real names of anyone in their story. It’s why we omit any details that might identify them. And it’s why we use an actor to portray the individual’s story.
“It’s not just about how a story moves others,” our communications manager, Michele Mazelin, said, “It’s also about how we handle what someone trusts us with.”
These conversations matter. And for some, sharing their story becomes part of their healing journey.
TIPS FOR CARING FOR YOURSELF WHILE YOU LISTEN
Whether you just watched Keith’s story or read it here—or someone shared something painful with you—you might be feeling something—maybe sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion. Maybe it stirred your own memories. That’s all normal.
Here are a few ideas that can help you check in and reset:
- Pause before moving on. Take a breath or step outside. Let yourself feel.
- Ask yourself what you’re carrying. The emotions you’re feeling—do they belong to you?
- Journal or jot down thoughts. Get it out of your head and onto paper.
- Meditate or pray. Seek peace—for yourself and for the people in the story.
- Talk with someone. It’s okay to say, “That story hit me harder than I expected.”
- Do something grounding. Go for a walk. Watch something light. Cook dinner. Do what helps you come back to yourself.
- Build in reset time. Create simple before-and-after habits to support yourself when conversations get heavy.
👉For more practical guidance, read our article on Tips for Compassionate Conversations and our webinar recap on Healthy Helping.
Taking care of yourself helps you keep showing up with compassion and clarity.
WORDS FROM KEITH TO YOU
Keith offers these tips for other men struggling after abortion:
You’re still loved. You may think you have this asterisk by your name, but you’re not any less loved or worthy.
Don’t be afraid to allow someone else into your journey. And don’t be afraid of the pain because it’ll lead you to joy and freedom. Telling your story can make whatever you’ve gone through easier. And maybe it’ll help someone else or several someone elses.
And if you’re supporting a man who’s been impacted by abortion, Keith says:
Be present. Be slow to speak and quick to listen. Don’t get into the whys when he tells his story, just be a willing listener. Be a safe space for him where he can trust that he can speak freely and won’t be judged.
HELP FOR MEN AFTER ABORTION: IF KEITH’S STORY RESONATES WITH YOU…
If parts of Keith’s journey stirred something for you, that tug is worth listening to. Healing often starts with a brief thought, a small decision: tell your truth, take the next step, and find care that fits you.
There are practical steps you can take—at your pace, in your style.
- Keys to Hope and Healing It’s a secular, compassionate way to begin understanding your emotions and grief after abortion. Available for women and men, in English and Spanish. Self-guided videos and journals are great go-along resources.
- Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion It’s faith-based support in a conversational, guy-to-guy tone—with a video series that guides you through the book with additional insights, reflections, and an integrated playlist of music for each chapter.
📅New for January: Men’s Healing Group Using Finding Solid Ground. Meets weekly for six-weeks via Zoom, Tuesdays JAN 20-FEB 24 from 2:00-3:30pm ET. Free. Apply now to join.
- Unraveled Roots When old patterns—abandonment, addiction, abuse, codependency—keep getting in the way, this helps you map the roots and build healthier habits. Available for men and women with accompanying videos and journals.
- After Abortion Line Not sure where to begin? Want someone to talk with? Call or text 844-289-HOPE (4673) or visit supportafterabortion.com for anonymous, compassionate support.
Closing
You matter. And healing is possible.
If you’ve been ignoring your struggle or trying to white-knuckle through it alone, consider this your invitation to set some weight down.
Keith’s story is your invitation—to be honest about what happened, to honor your child(ren), to choose support that fits you. What grows from there can be steadier days, clearer head space, and peace.
Start small. Make today count—text one person, say one true sentence, check out one of the resources. Pick any one small step forward in your abortion healing journey and own it. You got this. And we’re here for you as you tackle this challenge.
© Support After Abortion
We always welcome your feedback! If something in this blog struck a chord—or left you thinking—feel free to share your thoughts here.
HOLIDAY SUPPORT DROP-IN GROUPS FOR MEN AND WOMEN
Dealing with abortion grief, memories, and struggles during the holidays can add stress to an already tough time of year.
Join us at 12pm ET Wed DEC 10 for a safe, compassionate space to talk about what feels hard with others who get it. Connecting with others who understand can make a difference.
Separate groups for men and women. Save the link and jump in when it’s time!
Men’s Group Link
Women’s Group Link