Men’s Healing After Abortion: Cole’s Story from Isolation to Hope & Recovery
After abortion left one man carrying silent pain, resentment, and the weight of being shut out and silenced, his journey to healing after abortion began with one real conversation.
This is Cole’s story of healing after abortion. You’ll discover how isolation turned to hope, what helped him heal, and practical resources for men facing similar struggles. If you’re carrying pain in silence like Cole was, his journey shows that recovery is possible.
For years, Cole carried his grief in silence after his wife’s abortion. His story shines a light on a kind of loss men are often told they shouldn’t feel—and what happens when someone finally listens.
If you’re struggling with similar pain, help is available right now. Contact our After Abortion Line at 844.289.HOPE (4673).
WHY MEN’S ABORTION STORIES LIKE COLE’S MATTER
At Support After Abortion, we’ve seen how powerful men’s stories can be. Stories like Cole’s don’t just raise awareness—they open doors. For someone carrying the weight of abortion experiences, hearing someone say, “Here’s what I went through—and here’s how I started to heal,” can be the first step toward hope.
Science backs that up. When we truly connect with someone’s story, our brains release oxytocin—the chemical tied to empathy and connection. That’s why stories stay with us longer than facts or stats. They don’t just inform. They move us. (We share more on this in our The Power of Storytelling webinar.)
And it’s not just powerful for the listener. As one of our webinar speakers put it: “Telling your story is good medicine.” When someone shares their truth in a way that feels safe and honored, it can ease anxiety, spark connection, and begin the shift from shame to healing.
That’s why we created this video series. Real stories. Real voices. Shared with care.
Keep reading for the full transcript of Cole’s video, powerful moments that didn’t make the final cut, a behind-the-scenes look at how we honor these stories, and tips to care for yourself after hearing someone’s pain and challenges.
ALONE IN THE AFTERMATH: COLE’S STORY
Now, let’s hear Cole’s story in his own words…
LEFT OUT OF THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION
Hello. My name is Cole.
When I was asked if I wanted to talk about my experience with abortion, the first thing that came to mind was wanting to tell people that your feelings are valid no matter what other people say. Your pain is real.
I know everybody’s story is different. For me, there’s been a lot of bitterness and resentment to overcome. I didn’t want the abortion at all.
I was married at the time, but we were young. I called my mom, still thinking about what I was going to do to provide for the baby, and the first thing she said was that we should have an abortion.
My wife’s parents said the same thing. Pretty soon, my wife decided they were right. She wanted to finish her college degree. It was four against one.
Even though I never supported the decision, I offered to go to the clinic with her. But she decided to go alone.
AFTER THE ABORTION: THE WORST CALL OF MY LIFE
I will never forget the phone call right after the abortion. It was the worst call I’ve ever received, and it still haunts me. She was screaming and crying, saying she wanted her baby back.
When we saw each other in person, it was like we were strangers to each other. Every conversation about it only made it worse.
FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION: FEELING LIKE A FAILURE
Just a few weeks after the abortion, it was Father’s Day. It hit me so hard. I felt like a failure. I had failed to protect my first child. It really dragged me down to a pretty dark place in my mind.
That first year after the abortion, I started having a hard time being around kids, especially babies. Seeing people’s ultrasound photos always reminded me of my wife describing our baby wiggling around when she had the scan and how much I didn’t want her to go through with the abortion.
I WAS TOLD, AS A MAN, MY FEELINGS AFTER ABORTION DIDN’T MATTER
At home, and with my in-laws, and even my own mother, I was told over and over again that my feelings didn’t matter. That abortion impacts the woman, but not the man. It didn’t take too long for me to learn to shut up about what I was going through and how I was struggling.
I tried so hard to suppress my feelings and get along with these people, but they were the same people who had caused me so much pain.
I really don’t have the words to describe how alone I felt. It was just a terrible place to be with the hurts from the abortion, having the pain disregarded by your spouse… Over time, my bitterness and resentment grew.
We wound up getting divorced.
FINDING FAITH—BUT STILL ALONE
But my story doesn’t end there.
After the abortion, I had collapsed to my knees begging God for forgiveness, just saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. But all I felt was condemnation. In the months after, I felt lost and without hope.
It took several years before I realized, that’s exactly who Jesus seeks out. The Bible says, “He has sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted, to comfort those who mourn.” I came to accept that I was loved and forgiven by God.
But I was still carrying the pain alone.
BEING HEARD AFTER ABORTION CHANGED EVERYTHING
Years later when I sought help for a different issue, I came to realize that the abortion was probably a wound that fueled some damaging behaviors.
It wasn’t until I met a guy from Support After Abortion that I began to share and process the pain.
He was the first person outside of family that I talked to about the abortion. He was the first person who actually listened to—and cared about—what I thought and what I was feeling. For the first time, I confronted those memories from years past to address them and bring closure. He helped set the path for my healing.
Take it from me, getting help is crucial to your healing.
THERE IS HOPE AND HEALING AFTER ABORTION
I know it’s hard to seek help because of the shame and the pain you may feel, and our culture is one where it’s difficult for men to talk about things. Plus, we process things differently than women do. On top of that, you can’t talk to just anyone about it, because it’s so likely to turn into an argument about politics instead of a conversation about your emotions and recovery.
But it’s not easy carrying that burden by yourself. Time doesn’t heal this wound. Instead, the pain grows, and it can lead to even worse things.
I’m hoping and praying that if you have found this video and watched it through to the end that you decide to reach out and ask for help. There is hope and healing waiting for you.
THE HIDDEN PAIN: WHAT DIDN’T MAKE THE VIDEO
Cole shared even more with us than what you heard in the video—about the ways his grief was ignored, the triggers he still faces, and the moment he finally felt heard. Some of it was painful. Some of it hopeful. All of it real.
Here are a few powerful moments that didn’t make the final cut—but still speak volumes:
When Family History Adds to the Grief After Abortion
Cole wanted support from his mother when he told her about the pregnancy—for himself, his marriage, and his child. Instead, she told him firmly that abortion was best for them.
“She wasn’t very involved in my life… so I felt like, ‘Why do you think you have such a say in this kind of matter?’”
That moment added another layer of grief—and lasting resentment.
It wasn’t just about the abortion. It was about the years of distance, unmet needs, and emotional absence that resurfaced the moment he needed her to show up.
Now, even years later, being around her at family gatherings still carries tension.
“There’s a lot of resentment there—may not be displayed, but it’s there.”
Cole’s experience is a powerful example of how abortion can stir up old wounds and unresolved relational pain. Sometimes the grief isn’t only about what happened—but about all the hurt that came before it.
➡️ This is what we mean when we talk about Unraveled Roots—when you start to pull at one strand of pain, more begins to surface. If that sounds familiar in your life, our Unraveled Roots resources might help you make sense of it.
Disenfranchised Grief and the Weight of Isolation
Cole’s pain wasn’t just private—it was silenced. After the abortion, he tried to talk to his wife about what he was feeling. But the conversations only made things worse.
“Anything I felt was discounted and disregarded. She told me that I had no idea what it was like, I was a male who couldn’t understand, I didn’t go through it, I was just blaming her, I didn’t care for her—and so, I shut up.”
His wife, his mother, and his in-laws told him his feelings didn’t matter. The message was loud and clear: he was not allowed to grieve. He shut down emotionally—with everyone.
“Who cares anyway? Clearly not my wife, not my family, not her family. And I sure wasn’t going to talk about it to anyone else who didn’t already know.”
That is what disenfranchised grief can look like. It’s the kind of grief that isn’t recognized, supported, or validated by others—so it goes underground. Unspoken. Unprocessed. Buried, but burning.
“I was alone with a festering wound and growing bitterness towards those I fought against. It was a forlorn time.”
Cole lost a child. He also lost his place in the story. He was excluded from the decision, from grieving, from healing. He felt estranged—even from the person who had once been closest to him.
“There was an unseen void between us. It felt like we were strangers.”
➡️ Disenfranchised grief is one of the most common themes in our research on men and abortion. Learn more in our Men’s Research White Paper.
Cole’s not the only one.
When men try to talk about their pain after abortion, they’re often told they shouldn’t feel anything—or that their grief doesn’t matter. But being silenced doesn’t make the pain go away. It just pushes it deeper.
➡️ Read more about how incivility keeps men from healing after abortion »
Blindsided by the Past: The Moments After Abortion That Drag You Back
Even years later, Cole says certain things still hit him hard—roadside billboards about fetal development, friends’ ultrasound images on social media, and of course, Father’s Day.
“When Father’s Day comes around, I mainly just try not to think about it. For years, I stayed home. I’d call my Dad and say Happy Father’s Day, but I wouldn’t go anywhere.”
You’re doing something normal, then boom. These emotional triggers can come out of nowhere and leave you feeling disoriented or knocked off balance. They can drag you right back into your most painful memories and thoughts.
Getting support can help. As Cole shared,
“Now that I’m trying to work through it, who knows, maybe this Father’s Day won’t be as bad.”
➡️ Read more about how to prepare for and navigate triggers.
Someone Finally Listened: How Cole Started Healing After Abortion
Healing after abortion began when Cole talked with someone who truly understood what he’d been through—without judgment, politics, or debate.
“He was the first person who actually listened to—and cared about—what I thought and what I was feeling.”
“For the first time I sat down and confronted those memories from years past to address them and bring closure. But I didn’t do it alone. He helped set the path for healing. ”
Telling your story out loud can be an act of healing in itself. As we share in The Power of Storytelling, being heard—really heard—can bring clarity, connection, and a path forward.
Finding Peace After Abortion Through Faith
Cole shared that his healing after abortion wasn’t just emotional—it was deeply spiritual for him. He found comfort in a story from scripture where Jesus crosses a sea just to reach one hurting man. After healing him, Jesus sends him home with these simple instructions: “Go and tell people how much the Lord has done for you, and how He has had mercy on you.”
Cole sees his own story reflected in that.
“Such is my story with abortion. And my reason for being brave enough to share my story about abortion with others. And I’ve heard similar reactions—‘and everyone marveled.’”
For Cole, faith helped create space for honesty, hope, and healing after abortion. Sharing his story isn’t just about looking back—it’s also about offering that same mercy forward.
He wants other men to know they don’t have to keep punishing themselves or walking through this alone.
“That abortion decision—whether you were for it or against it—God is there for you. And others are ready to support you. Reach out for help today.”
What Men Need From the People Around Them After Abortion
Cole knows firsthand how difficult it can be for men to open up after abortion. He wants others—especially friends and family—to understand just how much that silence costs.
“Be patient. Our culture makes it hard for guys to talk about things. And the way we process is a lot different than how women might.”
He encourages loved ones to approach these conversations with care—not pressure.
“It may take asking clarifying questions.”
“Be careful with your tone. “
“Avoid sounding accusatory.”
And if you had a role in the abortion(s), Cole urges you to understand that it may have added to existing tensions, stirred up buried resentment, or reopened old wounds—especially if the relationship was already strained. He says, “Tread lightly.” What you say—and how you say it—can either tear at something still raw or help make space for healing and perhaps even starting to repair the relationship.
Cole’s advice is simple, but hard-earned: patience, understanding, and humility go a long way in helping men feel safe enough to open up—and start healing after abortion.
LISTENING WITH COMPASSION, RESPONDING WITH CARE
When someone shares their abortion story, they’re trusting you with something vulnerable. Listening well means setting aside your own judgments, opinions, or solutions. You don’t have to fix it. You don’t even have to understand all of it. Just be there.
Be kind. Be curious. Be present.
From Our Side of the Story
At Support After Abortion, storytelling is an honor—and a responsibility. Behind every story is a real person who has lived through pain, and our role is to make sure their voice, their experience, is handled with care, empathy, and respect.
When we interview someone sharing their story—whether for these videos, blog articles, webinars, books, or other resources—we prioritize compassion, collaboration, and ethical, trauma-informed storytelling best practices.
The initial interviews can last an hour or more. “I don’t rush, I don’t assume,” says Michele Mazelin, Support After Abortion Communications Manager. “I listen, I invite, and I give them a safe space to be heard and to tell their story in whatever way is meaningful for them.”
Our process prioritizes agency and collaboration. “We don’t start with a goal or an idea of what their story should be,” Michele said. We invite them to share whatever feels important to them in their lived experience and healing journey. Then we write their story based on what they actually say. Their words shape the content, the tone, the direction. Their experience leads the way.
Sometimes they pause. Sometimes they circle back. Sometimes they chose not to share certain things. Or sometimes they share a part of their story, but ask not to include it. And we honor it all. That’s what it means to respect someone’s story: you don’t push, you protect.
That protection of their story—and their privacy—is why we don’t use the person’s real name or the real names of anyone in their story. It’s why we omit any details that might identify them. And it’s why we use an actor to portray the individual’s story.
During the Power of Storytelling webinar, Michele emphasized that “It’s not our story to use—it’s their story to offer.” So, we engage them in the process, including reviewing the script drafts, how they’d like to word something, or if they want to include or omit something. “In ethical storytelling—especially in abortion healing,” Michele said, “It’s not just about how a story moves others—It’s also about how we handle what someone trusts us with.”
These conversations aren’t easy. But they’re real. And they matter.
And for some, sharing their story becomes part of their healing process. Michele recalls one man who later said that the interview helped him express emotions he hadn’t been able to before—grief, sadness, anger, depression. He said that his pain was “not close to being over; however, doing the interview was cathartic.” It became a step in his healing journey.
TIPS FOR YOU: HOW TO CARE FOR YOURSELF AFTER HEARING A HARD STORY
Hearing someone else’s painful story can stir up things in your own heart. If Cole’s story hit home, take some time after reading or watching to check in with yourself. You deserve care, too.
Michele shared that after one of her first interviews—one that was especially raw and emotional—she reached out to a colleague who’s been walking with clients for years. “I needed to process what I’d heard and how it had affected me, my thoughts and feelings,“ Michele said. “Talking with her helped me honor his experience and validate my emotions. It helped me regain my footing and feel more grounded heading into the next conversation.”
Her colleague also reminded her that caring well for others includes caring for ourselves, too.
“After each interview,” Michele said, “I check in with myself. I process with someone if needed (while honoring confidentiality), I take breaks, go for a walk, watch a show, play a game with my kids. I remind myself that this is not my pain to carry—but I can hold it with care while it’s in front of me.”
Whether you just watched Cole’s story or read it here—or someone shared something painful with you—you might be feeling something—maybe sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion. That’s normal.
Here are a few ideas that can help you check in and reset:
- Pause before moving on. Take a breath or step outside. Let yourself feel.
- Ask yourself what you’re carrying. Are these emotions tapping into something deeper for you?
- Journal or jot down thoughts. Get it out of your head and onto paper.
- Meditate or pray. Seek peace—for yourself and for the people in the story.
- Talk with someone. It’s okay to say, “That story hit me harder than I expected.”
- Do something grounding. Go for a walk. Watch something light. Cook dinner. Do what helps you come back to yourself.
- Build in reset time. Create simple before-and-after habits to support yourself when conversations get heavy.
➡️ For more practical guidance, read our article on Tips for Compassionate Conversations and our webinar recap on Healthy Helping.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s part of being human. And it helps you keep showing up with compassion and clarity.
FROM ISOLATION TO INVITATION: COLE’S NEXT CHAPTER
After carrying the pain alone for years, Cole’s healing after abortion began the moment he let someone in—someone who listened with compassion and understanding, and without judgment.
Now he’s sharing his story to show other men they don’t have to stay stuck in silence, shame, or pain—and that healing after abortion is possible. As Cole said:
“There is hope and healing waiting for you.”
“What you feel is valid no matter what anyone else says and the pain is real.”
Are you struggling in silence like Cole? Looking for practical tips and steps for moving from isolation to connection—and finding healing after abortion?
➡️ Read more about the healing after abortion journey from isolation to support.
Now remarried, Cole is still navigating what comes next. He shared that he’s not planning to have children—but that may change.
“I would like to have a child, but it’s something I need to think about and talk about and process.”
That kind of honesty marks a shift. Instead of shutting down, Cole is giving himself space to ask hard questions, reflect, and keep growing. Sharing his story is part of that growth—not just for him, but for the men who might read or hear it and, through it, realize they’re not alone.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT MEN’S HEALING AFTER ABORTION
How common is grief after abortion for men?
Research shows that men can experience significant grief, guilt, and regret after abortion. Our Men’s Research White Paper reveals that men’s experiences are often overlooked, but their emotional responses are valid and common.
Where can men find support after abortion?
Men can access specialized men’s abortion support through our After Abortion Line at 844.289.HOPE (4673), online chat, email, and resources like Keys to Hope and Healing and Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion.
How long does post-abortion healing take?
Healing is a personal journey that varies for each individual. Some men begin to feel relief within weeks of getting support, while others may need months or years. The key is getting connected to appropriate resources and support as soon as possible.
What if my partner doesn’t understand my grief?
It’s common for partners to have different responses to abortion. Couples counseling and individual support can help both partners process their experiences and communicate more effectively.
HELP FOR MEN AFTER ABORTION: IF COLE’S STORY RESONATES WITH YOU…
If you’ve been carrying the weight of your abortion experience(s) in silence, you don’t have to anymore. Whether it happened last month or decades ago, healing is possible.
Here are some solid ways to get started — whether you want to talk with others, join a group, or work through things on your own.
- Keys to Hope and Healing for Men – A secular, self-paced resource to help men start healing after abortion.
- Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion – Straight talk, real stories, and a path to abortion healing grounded in God’s love and mercy.
- After Abortion Line – Get anonymous, judgment-free, compassionate support from someone who cares.
Connect with us:
- Call or text at 844.289.HOPE (4673)
- Use online chat at supportafterabortion.com
- Email us
- Men’s Healing Resources – explore more tools and stories to help you process your experiences and begin your own healing after abortion journey.
- Watch Cole’s Story
– If Cole’s story reminded you of someone, consider sharing it with them—you never know what it could mean for them.
Cole’s message to you:
“I know that it’s hard to seek help because of the shame and the pain of it. But it’s not easy carrying that burden by yourself.”
Our message to you:
We’re here for you.
You matter. Your pain is valid. And your healing is worth it.
© Support After Abortion
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