Introducing Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion — A New Faith-Based Healing Resource for Men After Abortion
Support After Abortion’s newest resource was created specifically for men navigating the emotional impact of abortion. In this webinar, Support After Abortion’s Men’s Healing Coordinator Nyles Pinckney and Communications Manager Michele Mazelin explored Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion.
They discussed why the book was created, how it addresses men’s emotional and spiritual needs after abortion, and what makes its tone, format, and content uniquely effective for men healing after abortion. This recap includes all key insights from the webinar, including expert perspectives, real story integration, and practical application for abortion healing providers working with men struggling emotionally after abortion.
WHY CREATE A FAITH-BASED ABORTION HEALING BOOK FOR MEN?
- 71% of men are negatively affected after abortion
- 83% of men want to talk with someone about their abortion experiences
- 40% of men want a religious approach to abortion healing
Michele shared that research by Support After Abortion found that “three fourths of men report adverse impacts after abortion—including depression, anxiety, grief, regret, anger, guilt, etc.” She added, “Even more men, 83%, said that they would have benefited from talking with someone about their experience. So we know men are hurting and that they want support.”
Our research also found that 40% of men said they preferred a religious-based abortion healing approach. “We wanted to provide a religious resource for that 40%,” Michele explained.
She acknowledged that faith-based healing looks different for different men. Some prefer deep Bible studies, which many providers already use. While other men “want faith integrated into their abortion healing process in a less intense way.”
“Finding Solid Ground resonates with men no matter where they are in their faith journey,” Michele said, “from those who are open and exploring to those already walking closely with God.”
FINDING SOLID GROUND’S CONVERSATIONAL, GUY-TO-GUY TONE WORKS FOR MEN
Nyles described Finding Solid Ground’s approach as “very conversational,” “guy-to-guy,” “shoulder-to-shoulder,” and “straightforward.” He said the tone is one that many men relate to. “We don’t want to beat around the bush,” he said. “We just want the details and we want to know what we gotta do.”
Michele gave examples of the casual, relatable language in the book:
- “Alright, let’s cut to it.”
- “Now let’s tackle two of the toughest parts of the journey.”
- “Here’s the deal.”
- “Be honest. Did you read the chapter title and think, I don’t need this. Men don’t talk about their feelings.”
- “Your mind is an engine. Rev it too hard for too long. You’ll burn out.”
- “Here’s the rub.”
- “Boom, you’ve made it… Props to you.”
Nyles responded, “It sounds like I’m talking to one of my friends through texts, or maybe we’re sitting down at lunch together.”
The overall feeling of Finding Solid Ground, “is very comfortable for men,” he said.
WHY MEN HEAL BETTER THROUGH MOVEMENT AND CONVERSATION
Michele introduced insights from psychologist Dr. David Levant, who coined the term “normative male alexithymia”—a term describing “a culturally shaped pattern: the fact that many men struggle to recognize, express, and manage their emotions because they’ve been taught to hide or ignore them.”
“Finding Solid Ground cuts through that,” Michele said, using straightforward language, relatable stories, and a conversational style and tone “that feels like a buddy talking, not a textbook or lecture,” All of which invites men to reflect, feel, and heal without pressure.
Nyles and Michele discussed how movement can really help men process. Michele supported this with insights from author Michael Gurian, who starts therapy sessions by walking with clients. Gurian says movement helps men connect words to emotions.
She also mentioned Dr. David Wexler, who observed that “just sitting and talking can feel uncomfortable for a lot of guys.” Shared activities like playing cards helps take the pressure off and “often helps men talk more freely.”
Nyles shared from personal experience: “Some of my best conversations have happened while playing sports or doing activities—things like bowling, fishing, or working out.” These settings feel more natural and comfortable than face-to-face, sit-down conversations.
Finding Solid Ground incorporates this principle by encouraging activity-based reflection. Nyles highlighted examples like “Head to the gym,” “Go for a run,” “Crank up a playlist,” and other movement-friendly tasks.
As a side note, Nyles voiced his appreciation for the book’s visual callouts and analogies, “As a guy, I just wanna say, call outs are good. That’s a direct approach Finding Solid Ground has. It really gets our attention and draws us into the content.” He pointed to one example: “A soldier knows his terrain. A guy’s gotta understand his emotions and handle them effectively.” He added, “That spoke to me. I can be my own worst enemy.” He said Finding Solid Ground gives him ideas to “really look within myself.”
Michele described the reaction of the first non-staff male reader: “He was nodding his head, laughing in parts, silent in others, and then in the end he said, ‘Finding Solid Ground was very relatable.'” Nyles affirmed that being “very relatable” would be high praise “from any man … to feel and … communicate what he experienced throughout his journey through the book.”
HOW FINDING SOLID GROUND ANCHORS MEN IN GOD’S LOVE AND MERCY
Michele described how Finding Solid Ground weaves God’s love and mercy throughout, using language that feels authentic and accessible. She quoted samples, like: “He’s always ready to meet you where you are. His grace lifts you up, wipes the slate clean… His love doesn’t budge.”
This resonated with Nyles, who recalled his coach once telling him, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” He reflected, “Men put so much on their backs. But knowing God’s love is unshakeable? That helps.”
REAL STORIES OF PAIN AND HEALING AFTER ABORTION THAT MEN CAN SEE THEMSELVES IN
Michele emphasized that each chapter includes two segments from a man’s story. These stories are based on real men’s experiences—composite, representative, and fictionalized to protect privacy—and reflect a wide range of backgrounds, faith experiences, emotional reactions, and roles in the abortion decision. And each one shows that healing after abortion is possible.
“The men’s stories were powerful, and for me, the most meaningful part of the book,” one reader reported.
Finding Solid Ground helps men feel understood, with real stories they can see themselves in.
FINDING SOLID GROUND CHAPTER FORMAT AND OVERVIEW
Nyles outlined the structure of each chapter:
- A Roadmap introducing the theme
- The first half of a man’s story
- Food for Thought insights to consider
- Spiritual Power with scripture-based wisdom
- Challenge Time questions and tasks to help men dig into their experiences
- The conclusion of the man’s story
- A prayer to bring the work of the chapter to conversation with God
Michele elaborated on the Spiritual Power section, which “pulls in scripture and connects it to the chapter’s theme in a way that’s approachable—Like a trusted friend pointing you to something solid.“ For example:
- “Think about David… The guy went through some intense stuff.”
- “Psalms gives us a blueprint.”
- “It’s time to get real.”
Nyles described the Spiritual Power sections as one of the features “that’s really, really special about Finding Solid Ground…giving you little snippets to carry…along in your journey.” He said “every time I go back and read some more…I dive a little deeper.”
He shared that he often writes down scriptures from the book and keeps them in visible places—his mirror, car, or phone. “You never know when you’ll need it,” he said.
LOOKING INSIDE FINDING SOLID GROUND: CHAPTER BY CHAPTER
Chapter 1: Your Role
This chapter guides men to identify and reflect on their role in their abortion experience(s), regardless of whether they agreed, disagreed, or found out later. Nyles, a former college athlete, shared a lesson from his coach: “Even if you had 20% of the situation, are you taking 100% accountability for your part?”
Acknowledging your role without self-judgment—is essential at the beginning of the abortion healing journey. “Self-honesty can be difficult at times,” Nyles said. Finding Solid Ground “helps us look within ourselves without judgment.”
“Before you can start the work, you have to know where you are,” Nyles said. And, that self-honesty “gives men a chance to heal.”
Chapter 2: What About Emotions?
The Chapter starts with a plain, real acknowledgement:
“Be honest. Did you read the chapter title and think, ‘I don’t need this. I’m a man; we don’t talk about our feelings.’ If you did, you’re not alone.“
“A lot of men from a young age, we don’t talk about our emotions,” Nyles said. ”We put into a box and we leave it there…You wanna lock it away and forget about it.”
Finding Solid Ground talks about how avoiding feelings isn’t the way forward. It encourages men—and provides them with tools—to name their emotions and consider how they handled them—what helped and what didn’t.
“The questions here in Finding Solid Ground are solid. It helps guys get honest with themselves,” Nyles said, “and sort through what they’re feeling without pushing too hard or getting in their face. It gives men the space and comfortability to really look within themselves.”
Nyles spoke about his own journey healing after abortion. “I became very angry.” He shared how, like men are told, he tried to channel that anger for performance. “But it had me acting in a way with my teammates that wasn’t healthy…Thinking back, I wish I could apologize to ‘em and share what was going on.”
Yet, he acknowledged, “But even saying that doesn’t feel comfortable ’cause I don’t even know how they would’ve reacted.” — A very real concern that factors into many men’s hesitation to speak up about their struggles.
Chapter 3: Grieving the Loss
Nyles spoke about the chapter’s acknowledgement that while grief is a natural response to loss, “not everyone thinks of their abortion as loss, even though they may be wrestling with tough emotions.”
Nyles explained that men’s grief often goes beyond the pregnancy. He shared how parenting after abortion stirred grief for him. When his son asked for a sibling, it hit hard, “knowing my abortion experience took the opportunity away from him.”
Nyles also shared dreams of being a “girl dad.” “I love my son to death…but I was praying for a girl” during the pregnancy that ended in abortion.
On our After Abortion Line, some of the losses men speak about include relationships, fatherhood, trust—with their partner or family members. “It can damage a man in different ways,” Nyles said.
The chapter emphasizes that grief doesn’t follow a neat, linear process and invites men to face their grief honestly and gently, offering space to reflect on the “what ifs” and walk their unique path toward healing.
“Grieving is not a setback,” Nyles said. “It’s a part of the growth and healing process.” He described his own long period of denial—boxing the experience away until years later when working at Support After Abortion helped him realize he hadn’t fully healed and gave him the opportunity to work on his own journey.
Chapter 4: Anger and Forgiveness
This chapter begins by naming what many men already know but rarely say out loud: “Anger’s usually just the surface—what guys feel first,” Nyles said.
Just as Dr. Levant’s work showed, men are socially conditioned from an early age that sadness, fear, and other emotions aren’t acceptable, but anger is. “They say, when you’re angry, let’s go work out. When you’re angry, you’re gonna have a great game,” Nyles explained.
He talked about when something feels off or makes them uncomfortable, often men will say, “I’m angry about it.” Even if that’s not what they’re going through, it’s the thing that shows up—or the emotion they’re comfortable naming.
But beneath that go-to emotion are often more complicated feelings, like powerlessness, betrayal, being ignored, or guilt.
“Anger is a safer feeling,” Nyles said. “We know what to do with anger. But when we feel these other emotions, we’re like, What do I do with sadness? I can’t play a football game sad. I can’t play video games with fear. I can’t go mow the lawn with guilt. ‘Cause that’s not natural to us.”
But Finding Solid Ground helps men look beyond the surface without judgment. Through practical insights and guided questions, the chapter invites men to trace their anger to its root and begin working through it at their own pace.
Because anger and forgiveness go hand-in-hand, the chapter also explores forgiveness—not as a feeling but as a decision. And not something for others, but for your own peace and healing. As Nyles emphasized, “Finding Solid Ground helps guys realize forgiveness isn’t for someone else’s benefit.”
In the Challenge Tasks, men are guided to consider who they may need to forgive—including themselves, others, or even God. “This presents the ideas for men to really dive in and really look into themselves as well as around them,” Nyles said, “and where there’s anger and how to approach forgiveness.”
Finding Solid Ground offers a practical tool, The Mental Offload—A No-Nonsense Way to Work Through Forgiveness, which Nyles jovially quipped viewers will want to get the book to learn about.
Chapter 5: Drawing Closer to God
This chapter on Drawing Closer to God shows up very intentionally where it is in Finding Solid Ground—after men have already done some of the heavy emotional work.
Nyles explained that by this point in the book and their healing after abortion journey, “We’ve talked about a lot of things—their roles, emotions, grief, anger, and forgiveness.” Only then does the book invite men to take a closer look at their relationship with God.
“God’s been present all along,” Nyles said, “gently and conversationally, in a real, everyday kind of way. And, after doing the work — while “being filled with God’s love and mercy” throughout all the previous chapters of Finding Solid Ground, now is the right time for more.
He shared that if this chapter came earlier, it might not land. “Because if you say, let’s draw closer to God, you’re like, What am I drawing closer to God for exactly? Because I don’t even know what’s going on inside of me.” Chapter 5 meets men when they’re more open—when God’s steady love has already started to feel more real.
The chapter encourages men to connect with God through three spiritual ways: prayer, meditation, and service. For Nyles, service hit home. He described how little things—like helping someone or making a kid smile—can shift your whole day. “No matter what’s happened to me at 9 AM, I made somebody else’s day better.”
Michele added, “I do want to encourage you to get the book because the prayer and meditation sections are equally powerful.”
The chapter also shares five holy habits and five tips for building habits that stick. “I don’t wanna give too much away,” Nyles said, “because I’d love for you all to read Finding Solid Ground for y’all selves. But he did mention one practical idea that resonated with him: “taking five quiet minutes of prayer in your truck after work.”
Chapter five really helps you through [taking] any opportunity where you can just really sit down and have that conversation with God,” Nyles said, “and just present everything with him.”
Chapter 6: So, What’s Next?
This final chapter opens in true Finding Solid Ground style: “Boom, you made it… props to you.” But it doesn’t stop there. Instead, it invites men to ask—now what? Michele explained that this chapter reminds men that healing isn’t a box to check. “Healing is a journey, not a destination.”
Nyles shared that it’s common for guys to think, “Alright, I’m done. I’m healed. I’m free.” But that’s not what this chapter—or the book—promotes. “This isn’t the end of your healing journey, but it’s the beginning,” he said.
The chapter also invites men to consider where they were at the beginning of the book and where they are now. “It helps men realize that their growth and the time they took to read the book—they’ve already changed a little bit.”
“I don’t want men to think that you have to be a whole different person,” Nyles said. And he shared something that as a coach, he tells his players: “If you could just grow 1%, you’re better than you were yesterday.” That kind of growth builds momentum. “It encourages men and helps them say, ‘Okay, I am different. This is working… I’m ready to approach this journey.’” It helps men “want to continue to keep growing from there.”
The chapter emphasizes that healing isn’t one-size-fits-all and there are multiple paths to continue healing. The book says it might “feel like they’re in uncharted territory with no map” as they close the book. But it prompts them to identify and plan for the next step in their healing journey—whatever that might be for them.
Some guys may want to go deeper into abortion healing. For others, Finding Solid Ground may have kicked up something they want to dig into. “It might be addiction, childhood abandonment, relationship issues, gambling, you name it,” said Nyles.
However you move forward, the chapter encourages men to choose what’s right for them—and reminds them they don’t have to do it alone. “Whatever next steps they choose,” Nyles said, “there’s support available.”
ORDER YOUR COPY OF FINDING SOLID GROUND . . . AND SHARE FEEDBACK AFTER READING
You can order your copy of Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion on Amazon. We would love to hear your thoughts and feedback after you read it. Click here to share your feedback. Early responses have included:
- “Absolutely loved it. Can’t wait to lead guys through it.”
- “Any man would benefit from this study.”
- “We’ll be using Finding Solid Ground in our center.”
Q&A
How does Finding Solid Ground compare to Keys to Hope and Healing?
Nyles shared that Keys to Hope and Healing and Finding Solid Ground are solid tools that help men process their emotions after abortion—and they complement each other well.
Keys to Hope and Healing is a secular introductory abortion healing resource. It’s a great fit for men who aren’t religious, or those who are, but don’t want something spiritual at this point in their healing after abortion journey.
Finding Solid Ground guides men through their abortion healing journey grounded in God’s love and mercy. Faith is a natural part of the conversation throughout the book. It’s ideal for men who want to invite God into their abortion healing journey—whether they already have a relationship with Him or not.
Both books help men deal with emotions and grief, in different ways. Keys to Hope and Healing includes chapters on loneliness, the power of sharing your story, and how to handle hard thoughts and memories that aren’t in Finding Solid Ground. Finding Solid Ground is packed with questions, challenges, and practical tasks. And, Finding Solid Ground includes unique chapters on owning your role, drawing closer to God, and discerning what’s next in your healing. Finding Solid Ground’s tone, as we’ve shared throughout the webinar, is more casual and conversational.
“Some men use both,” Nyles said—as he did. A man might start with one and later want to try the other—depending on where he is in his journey.
“Bottom line,” he said, “Keys to Hope and Healing and Finding Solid Ground give you options.”
Michele added that when providers know both resources well, it’s easier to recommend the right one—or offer both and let the man decide. “The key is to meet him where he is.”
Will there be a self-guided video series for Finding Solid Ground?
Yes! Michele shared that the Support After Abortion team is busy working on the video series now—and they hope to launch them in time for the Care Net conference in August.
Can Finding Solid Ground be used in a group setting?
Absolutely. Nyles shared that some men might want to go through the book alone and reach out if they have questions, while others may want to meet regularly as a group. The six-chapter format makes it flexible—just like Keys to Hope and Healing and Unraveled Roots.
Michele added that Finding Solid Ground was intentionally designed to work one-on-one, in groups, or individually.
Can a woman lead a Finding Solid Ground group for men?
IIdeally, men would lead men. Hearing from another man can create a powerful connection and offer insights that feel relatable in a way only another man might provide. But in many settings—especially pregnancy centers—there may not be a male facilitator available. That doesn’t mean healing has to wait or that support isn’t possible.
Some men may be totally comfortable with a woman leading the group, especially if there’s already trust,” Nyles said.
In abortion healing, many men experience disenfranchised grief—grief that goes unacknowledged or unsupported. Emotional safety is what matters most. If a woman brings empathy, understanding, and respect for what men go through, some will feel safe opening up. Others will prefer a male peer to feel comfortable enough to let their guard down and speak freely.
So, it depends on the man and creating a space where he can be honest, feel seen, and begin to heal.
Michele added that if a woman is leading a group, having a male mentor available for one-on-one conversations can make a meaningful difference. She also emphasized that “language that resonates with men is very different,” and that men—just like women—need to tell their story in their own words. “It’s important not to be bothered by how they say it.”
Bottom line? Focus on building trust, listening well, and honoring each man’s comfort and preference.
Will there be a Spanish version of the book?
Michele said this isn’t in development yet, but the idea is definitely on their radar. Nyles noted that Support After Abortion has received considerable interest in abortion healing resources in Spanish.
Would you recommend Finding Solid Ground for men whose partners had abortions before they met?
“Yes,” Nyles said simply. He shared that even if a man wasn’t involved in an abortion decision, Finding Solid Ground can still offer helpful insights. It can give men a better understanding of what their partner may be experiencing—and help them look inward with empathy.
“We can’t fully understand what someone’s going through,” he said, “but we can relate with empathy and be more present.”
How did you pick the title Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion?
Nyles and Michele shared a behind-the-scenes look at how the title came to be. After brainstorming more than 50 potential names, the team narrowed it down to a shortlist. Michele brought the final options to all the male cast and crew members during filming of the new Support After Abortion video story series and asked each man individually which title resonated most.
“They took it seriously,” Michele said. “They asked questions, it opened up some good conversations.” The overwhelming favorite was Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion. Several men said that “a man’s guide” felt like it was built for men, whereas “for men” sounded like a resource made for women that was adapted for men.
“We all love that [the title] “Finding Solid Ground” ties into both emotional stability and religious faith.” She pointed to a verse in Psalm 40 “where it talks about ‘He set my feet on solid ground’ after he heard my cry in the mud. I just love that tie in.”
What Bible version does the book use?
Michele explained that Support After Abortion was “very intentional in wanting Finding Solid Ground to speak to a wide Christian audience.” So, it uses scripture from 13 different translations. “It’s probably the longest scripture citation list I’ve ever seen on a copyright page,” she said. It includes a wide range—from formal versions like King James to informal ones like The Message and The Bible in Basic English—and draws from 10 Protestant and 3 Catholic translations.
Does the book still work if a man doesn’t feel angry or think he needs forgiveness?
Yes! “It’s common for men to say they’re not angry or don’t need forgiveness,” Nyles said. But often, he explained, men are carrying things they haven’t named. “No man wants to figure out why we’re angry. We just want to keep using it as fuel. But that fuel burns fast.”
The chapter on anger and forgiveness helps men recognize that forgiveness isn’t just for someone else—it’s about what they’re still carrying and how it’s weighing them down. “The book gives space for that without rushing it,” Nyles said.
NEXT STEPS
Click here to watch the video of this webinar.
Click here to register for the next Abortion Healing Provider webinar.
Click here to access Support After Abortion’s Resource Library.
Click here to explore Support After Abortion’s services, resources, and training for Abortion Healing Providers.
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