EMOTIONAL WHIRLWIND
Remember the chaos of being a teenager, when everything felt intense and your emotions felt out of control? Now, imagine those same strong feelings hitting someone hard after an abortion. Inside Out 2 might be a kids’ movie, but in tackling emotional struggles, it offers some surprising insights that can be applied to after-abortion healing.
The movie follows Riley, a teenage girl who begins puberty and suddenly has to deal with new emotions. Alongside the emotions she already has – joy, sadness, anger, fear, and disgust – she is introduced to anxiety, envy, embarrassment, and ennui. The story explores the challenges she faces with these more complex emotions. Watching this movie brings to light four important points that can be helpful for people who are struggling emotionally after abortion.
1. LOSING SENSE OF SELF
The sense of self is brought up multiple times throughout the movie. For example, Riley’s self-image is that she’s a good person. Many people may feel this way about themselves and hold tight to carrying this image. But after experiencing abortion, these thoughts and feelings may change your perception of yourself.
You may feel like your idea of yourself was a complete lie or that you went against what you ever imagined for yourself, or that you’re not the same anymore, like these clients shared:
– “I’m a horrible person. This isn’t my life. I never imagined myself as someone who would have an abortion, and now I’ve had three.”
– “I’m not me anymore. I’m not the same person I was. I can’t believe I’m here in this place in my life. I’m in shock.”
After abortion, it can be difficult for some people to see themselves the same way as before, but this is exactly why the healing process is so vital. The sense of self you had doesn’t disappear and wasn’t a lie. Healing is a constant journey, and through healing you can get back to the image you held of yourself prior to your abortion experience(s) and be able to confidently say, “I am a good person and this will not define me for the rest of my life.”
“By seeking support, challenging negative thoughts, practicing self-care, building a supportive network, and celebrating your progress, you can nurture healing and rebuild your self-esteem,” says Cahn Tran, LCSW, in an article, How Trauma Affects Your Self Esteem. Tran continues, “Remember, you are not defined by your trauma, and with time and support, you can regain confidence and embrace your worth.”
2. DIFFICULTIES IN FINDING JOY
Another point in the movie was a critical moment where Riley’s “Joy” was questioned and pushed by the other emotions: anger, fear, and disgust. Joy shares how hard it is to stay positive all the time and act like nothing’s wrong. But because it’s her job to hold balance, she keeps these feelings in and puts on a smile. This is how many people move through life after their abortion experience(s). We wear our smiles as a mask to hide and hold in our pain, grief, sadness, and regret.
Clients often share their experiences of this, such as:
– “I don’t know how to cope with my feelings of guilt since my abortion. I almost don’t know how to get back into society. It’s so hard to find joy and peace. Anytime I smile I feel guilty.”
– “I’m trying to act like nothing’s wrong. I don’t let anyone see how I feel, but I’m having a hard time hiding it. I had to go to a friend’s baby shower the other day and just smile and act happy all while feeling horrible inside.”
Holding these feelings in over time can become a ticking time bomb. Soon the smile we are faking fades, and we can become angrier or irritable. We can cause more damage to ourselves and others around us.
Healing doesn’t mean acting happy or joyful, but rather communicating our struggles and hardships. The more we can communicate, find resources, and get the support we deserve, the more we can heal. Healing can begin with small steps such as talking to a trusted friend or contacting our After Abortion Line.
Joy may be difficult for you to allow yourself to have. But you can start by not hiding behind a mask and just start a conversation about your struggles. Then you can see yourself rediscovering the joy you had before your abortion experience(s).
3. ANXIETY: IMPACTS AND HEALING
Riley experienced an anxiety attack during the movie in a moment where she realized the person she had become was not how she viewed herself. Because of her own struggles with her emotions, she had lashed out at her friends, using hurtful language like sarcasm, blaming them for her own distress, and pulling away from them.
This is what a lot of us do when we are struggling. When we keep these pent up emotions to ourselves, we can become anxious, irritable and lash out at others. This can happen even toward people who weren’t involved in the abortion(s), who may have done nothing to upset us. We may overreact to even the smallest of disagreements.
One man shared:
“I knew I had pent up feelings, thoughts, and emotions from my abortion experience with my ex-girlfriend. I didn’t realize how much they weighed on me until I was at football practice on a day where I felt overwhelmed to the point that I began to push teammates around during practice, wanted to isolate during water breaks, and was overall just not a person you wanted to be around, which was out of the ordinary for me and to my teammates. I knew I had to do something because this was not how I wanted to be the rest of my life.”
These kinds of emotions and thoughts can cause us to isolate ourselves, perhaps thinking, I’m too ashamed to be around others or The people who love me wouldn’t feel the same about me if they knew about the abortion(s).
Anxiety can be common after abortion. You’re not the only one feeling this way. Relieving anxiety through healing can be a gradual process, and it might take time to see that all of these negative thoughts and assumptions aren’t true. It’s okay to seek support from others when you feel ready.
There are multiple strategies that can help you manage your anxiety. In the article Tips and Strategies to Manage Anxiety and Stress written by the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, they offer suggestions such as taking a time out to listen to music, get a massage, or do something that can help you take a step back and clear your head. Daily exercise can give you a sense of feeling good and maintain your health. Ultimately, the key is to find what works for you to reduce your anxiety and stress and make it a regular part of your routine.
4. DEEP DARK SECRETS & MOVING FORWARD
During the ending credits of the movie, we were shown Riley’s “deep darkest secret.” Joy told the secret that it can’t be that bad and encouraged the secret to just tell her what it is. When the secret was finally revealed, Joy was taken aback and admitted she thought it was something completely different. The secret, feeling exposed and vulnerable, looked shocked and hid away again.
This moment was eye-opening, highlighting how we may see our abortion experience(s) as something shameful and disgraceful. Yet, the scene highlights that growth and emotional understanding are an ongoing process.
While by the end of the movie, Riley is learning to navigate her emotions, she has not achieved “perfect” emotional health. It’s a great reminder that we’re all still working on ourselves. It’s okay that not everything gets resolved at once. When we’re dealing with emotions, secrets, and painful struggles, it can be like peeling an onion. As we resolve one layer, we can move on to work on the next.
One of our volunteers illustrated this in sharing:
“Years later, when our first son was born, I was overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts about the abortion that became so destructive I stopped functioning. I started looking for help. Over the years, I have participated in different programs, all of which helped me along my path of healing. Even though I’m an abortion healing group facilitator now, I’m still a work in progress. Because my abortion came from a place of brokenness, my healing is a continual journey, and that’s okay.”
You aren’t alone with your internal struggles. Others have the same emotions and thoughts you have. So don’t lock yourself away. And make healing a priority, while moving at your own pace. Whether it’s been days, months, years, or decades since your abortion experience(s), support and resources are available wherever you are in your journey.
FINDING STRENGTH IN THE JOURNEY
To take the next step in your journey of healing after abortion, seek out the support and resources available to you to empower yourself with the tools and guidance to help you thrive. Your growth and well-being are worth investing in, and help is just a conversation away.
You can start by looking at our website supportafterabortion.com for information, videos, self-guided healing, and more for women and men.
Two resources that are particularly helpful in exploring our emotions and behaviors are:
Keys to Hope and Healing, which is an introductory abortion healing resource available for women and men, in English and Spanish. Resources include booklets, journals, self-guided video series, prayer booklets, and facilitator guides and training videos.
Unraveled Roots, which helps individuals identify the root causes behind damaging choices and patterns to change their life and legacy by establishing new, healthier patterns one small step at a time. Resources for women and men include print and digital books, journals, self-guided video series, and facilitator guides and training videos. An audio book for men is also available.
To offer you encouragement, we’ll leave you with a few stories from clients who found strength in their journeys:
– “I went through the Keys to Hope and Healing booklet and it is truly helping! I’m taking the time to go through it without a rush and journaling at the same time about how I feel on every step of the booklet! I’m getting better. Life has been tough, but I am stronger!”
– “I am so grateful for the opportunity to be in the Keys to Hope and Healing group. I have been able to talk about my abortion experience with others who understand me. I thought I would never be the same. I was ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I was not ok. Then I found Support After Abortion and called the After Abortion Line.”
– “My abortion was the biggest secret I ever carried. I never thought I would get out of the darkness that I was engulfed in. I felt completely alone and misunderstood. Then I found Support After Abortion and was connected to a group. I shared my abortion experience for the first time in my Keys to Hope and Healing group and instantly saw light breaking through. My secret changed, my life changed.”
– “The Keys to Hope and Healing abortion healing program helped lift my shame, anger, fear, and isolation. Being able to tell my story without judgment and hear others share was powerful. It has made me feel less alone and gave me hope. It helped me find my voice and identify the best coping skills for me.”
HOW CAN I CONTACT THE AFTER ABORTION LINE?
Reach out to our After Abortion Line by online chat, phone, text, email or messaging on Facebook or Instagram. We offer free, confidential, compassionate support. We can connect you to the healing resource that best meets your preferences – that may be one-on-one, group, or independent; counseling or peer facilitator; virtual, in person, or self-guided; religious or secular, etc.
DO YOU – OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO – PROVIDE AFTER-ABORTION SUPPORT?
Explore our Provider Training Center and attend our free monthly Abortion Healing Provider webinars, Men’s Healing Matters webinars, and Quarterly Facilitator Trainings.
© Support After Abortion