INTRO
Healing after abortion is often a journey that doesn’t follow a set schedule—and for many, support should be just as flexible. That’s why the concept of open-door, drop-in abortion healing groups is so exciting. Imagine a space where people can come as they are, when they need to, and find the compassion and care they deserve. In this discussion, you’ll hear directly from three experts who’ve seen the impact of these groups firsthand—and how they’ve successfully opened these new pathways to healing.
Your webinar host is Amanda Hoff, Support After Abortion’s Relationship Development Specialist, who led the discussion with panelists: Becky Morales, Hope Program Director at Real Options in San Jose, California; Michele Cheresnick, Client Services Director and After Abortion Support Director at Choices Chattanooga, Tennessee; and Stefanie Libertor, Director of Recovery Services at Hope and Healing in Canton, Ohio.
DROP-IN GROUP BASICS
Amanda kicked off the conversation by asking the panelists three questions: How long have you been offering drop-in groups? How often do you hold them? Do you offer in-person, virtual, or hybrid drop-in groups?
Becky answered that they had been holding drop-in groups for seven years, initially twice a month, but then due to the success of the program they moved to weekly and switched from in-person to virtual during Covid-19, and staying with that format since.
Stefanie replied that Covid-19 derailed their initial foray into drop-in groups, which were resumed in 2021. For three and a half years they have held an in-person group once a month.
Michele said that she felt a bit like a newbie, with their program having launched last year, but being on hiatus currently due to their facilitator being on maternity leave. They offer both hybrid and in-person groups.
WHAT SPARKED YOUR DECISION TO OFFER DROP-IN SUPPORT?
Moving into the meat of the discussion, Amanda asked the panelists what prompted them to launch their drop-in groups.
Becky shared that the decision to launch drop-in groups came out of an inability to successfully launch a Bible study. She said that the women she was trying to help weren’t familiar with the Bible, did not necessarily identify in a strong way as a Christian, and “were just broken. They could barely get out of bed. They were barely coping, and I was asking them to commit to something that they couldn’t even do. So, I decided, Okay, I need to meet them where they’re at.”
From there the decision was made to launch the drop-in support group. While it is faith-based, participants come from a diverse set of backgrounds, with Muslims, Buddhists, agnostics, and atheists attending the group, as well as Christians.
Becky shared that when she personally did an intense Bible study abortion healing program, Forgiven and Set Free, she found the experience to be both incredibly fruitful and taxing. She reflected that if she found it difficult while in a good place in her life, how much more challenging must it be for those who are not in a good place to commit their time and focus.
Stefanie said her organization’s decision to offer a drop-in group came because they believed their eight-week Bible study “shooed” people out the door without an additional option of follow-up support. While noting they offer other options, including Unraveled Roots, they wanted to offer an abortion-healing specific resource.
At Michele’s center, they felt they were not seeing as many attendees as they should and thought the stringency of their Bible study offerings were too intimidating. She shared, “And so I thought, these women and men need something more flexible, that’s less structured, that they can come in and be a part of a group and have some fellowship.” They were also hoping it would give the opportunity for “those who were maybe a little intimidated to join a [structured] group, to see what a group would feel like and get a little flavor for what healing would feel like.” Michele also echoed Stefanie’s goal of offering continued support for those who had already completed a structured group.
FIRST STEP, NEXT STEP, TRIGGER DATES
Amanda observed that the panelists had praised drop-in support groups as both a first step and a next step, depending on where someone is in their healing. She then asked the panelists to expand on this subject.
Stefanie said, “I realize that not everybody is ready to take that big leap. It’s so scary. We’ve all been there. Maybe she just needs to see that she’s not alone, and coming to one of our support meetings would help her. She’s going to hear another woman’s story at each of our meetings, so she’s going to hear that she’s not alone. So, it could be her first step in that she’s never had any kind of healing, whatsoever.”
Drop-in groups also offered continued healing for those who have completed a study or even a retreat, Stefanie observed, acknowledging that the healing process is without a finish line.
Amanda then added that those who are participating in a drop-in group know they can join in when trigger dates such as birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or other difficult times arise. “This gives them a place that they can come during those harder times. They might not need it ongoing every week, but they might need to come for a few times just to not feel alone, be able to share that with other people that are experiencing the same thing. I really love that this is so flexible.”
PROS & CONS OF OFFERING DROP-IN SUPPORT GROUPS
Moving the discussion forward, Amanda asked Becky about her experience with online support groups, and what she felt the pros and cons of that format might be.
Becky replied that while she felt in-person support groups are powerful, in her experience virtual is just as powerful. She also stated her appreciation for how flexible it is, with participants living in places far from their center in the Bay Area, such as Tennessee or South America. Additionally, many of the women who attend are single mothers who find it extremely difficult to get childcare. While some people have expressed a desire for in-person, Becky said there have not been enough requests to warrant launching an in-person version.
Becky was initially skeptical of the virtual format, but when all groups in her area stopped during Covid-19, and people still needed support, she decided to try it. She was surprised to discover just how effective the online support groups were. Being isolated during the pandemic was triggering for many, and the online support group was hugely beneficial for their clients.
DROP-IN GROUP FORMATS: HYBRID, VIRTUAL, IN-PERSON
Amanda then asked Michele to describe how her hybrid option works.
Michele stated that they offer a hybrid option for all their resources, with the virtual option as a backup in the case of a sick kid, scheduling difficulties, or when someone simply doesn’t feel like attending in person.
Amanda then asked Stefanie about her program, saying, “I know that you mentioned that you do your drop-in women’s group in-person, but that your center offers a men’s drop-in style group, and that one is virtual. Can you share the reason for the different approaches and the benefits and challenges you’ve seen?
Stefanie replied that the men’s virtual drop-in came about because the in-person men’s after-abortion support groups weren’t attracting enough participants. Other centers in her area had similar attendance challenges. By making the group online, and collaborating and marketing among centers, men now attend from anywhere – in their area – around the country – or world. Stefanie added, “It’s a challenge. It’s a challenge for men to see their need. We’re getting a lot better at that. It’s growing, it’s taking off. So that’s the reason for offering that to men online. It’s not a commitment. It’s drop in, they can come one month or not.”
Reflecting on the fact that “abortion really isolates,” Stefanie stated that their women’s in-person group, called Women of Worth After Abortion Support had created a wonderful in-person community, and while they have prayed on the issue, they have not yet felt called to add a virtual group option.
Amanda praised Stefanie’s comments regarding collaboration, citing the importance of working with others, particularly when it comes to men’s abortion healing.
WHY CLIENTS CHOOSE DROP-IN SUPPORT
Amanda then directed the panelists to comment on what they hear clients saying about why they choose drop-in support groups.
Becky, whose organization offers Rachel’s Vineyard retreats, said that she often sees women “coming in through different people” who are not ready for a retreat. The drop-in support group gives them the chance to receive support, meet others, and feel not so scared and alone, and potentially later be open to a retreat. She stated that 80-90% of clients who begin attending drop-in wind up choosing to attend a retreat at some point, which she said is “a huge success.”
Piggybacking off this comment, Amanda shared her personal experience of attending one of Becky’s retreats and feeling so scared, and that the one thing she had to lean on was the fact that she knew Becky. She observed how important it is to have trust and a sense of connection in the healing process.
Stefanie also observed that many of her drop-in clients aren’t ready to attend a retreat or commit to a more stringent study, and that the drop-in also serves their need for community. She said, “I have regulars. I have women that come every month and have been doing so for years because they’re getting education, growth. There’s always something new. There’s the community element that meets a need too.”
Michele cited the fact that it is a lighter commitment, with no homework. While they do plan out topics and have an experienced facilitator, attendees are “not going home and having to fill out a book,” she said. “If they miss a week, they don’t feel like they have to catch up on all this stuff.”
In addition, Michele feeds them dinner. “One of the things that brings them is food, right? I think one of the coolest things is that they get to know each other, and they have that fellowship. As Stefanie said about isolation, those of us who [have experienced abortion], you know that you are not looking to make close friends, right? So, here they’re sitting across from each other, they’re sharing a meal before we start talking about hard stuff. And just because they’ve sat there and had this conversation before and have this fellowship time, they go a little deeper sometimes than even my groups, because now they’re friends, right? They’ve shared a diet Coke and a sandwich or spaghetti or something. And now, That’s my person. You get me. We’ve seen great, great healing happen.”
HOW DO YOU STRUCTURE YOUR DROP-IN GROUPS?
After commenting that this question had popped up in the chat, Amanda asked each panelist to describe how their drop-in groups were structured.
Becky responded first, saying that their group is modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous or Celebrate Recovery, with someone sharing their abortion story and then others commenting for two or three minutes by referencing their own story. In their groups, the speakers have attended a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat, so that they also share their healing journey, with the goal that the support group does not end on a hopeless note.
Stefanie shared her structure, saying, “We’re in person so, if there’s somebody new, we have a really great little gift for them.” They then have a welcome round, with names and intentions stated, then announcements. She said, “And then we also have one woman share her story. And like Becky said, it’s always somebody who’s come through healing and has that hope because that’s what we want them to picture themselves with – hope.” After the speaker, Stefanie introduces a topic and they discuss it.
Amanda then prompted Stefanie to share one introduced topic in particular, art therapy. Stefanie shared that she knows an art therapist who personally experienced abortion, and who is a licensed counselor. “She has come three different times and led our ladies in a really exploratory, artistic thing. And it’s super cool. There’s always a great response to that; I have to cap it off because we’re limited on our space.”
Stefanie said other topics have included grief, restoring joy, restoring femininity, forgiveness, and anger.
Michele’s groups are also structured and feature a testimony, although in their case the testimony is shared by whoever is facilitating. After the testimony, a topic is introduced. As Stefanie mentioned, the topic of joy is often discussed. “We talk about that because we talk so much about anger and shame and grief. We talk a lot about grace. So, we have specific topics: how to receive grace, how to give grace, how to give yourself a break. That is really something these women struggle with is, grace still isn’t for me.”
What is loosely structured is attendance. “We don’t have a ‘You have to come a certain number of times.’ They come when they can, zoom when they can, and connect when they can. So that part is very, very loosely structured,” Michele said.
Michele added, “We also do something a little bit different. If it’s somebody who is very timid about coming, we’ll let them bring a support person.” It could be “their mom or their sister. We don’t allow children. We allow partners. So, we’re open to coed, if they want to bring their partner. That’s been really beneficial, especially to women [whose abortions were very recent], to have their partner with them. And it was great because then he got to hear what she was feeling, and he gleaned information on how to help support her. He also could see that she wasn’t a unicorn, right? This was a group of other women who were feeling the same way. And that was encouraging to them.”
When asked by Amanda how other clients felt about the coed model, Michele shared, “I feel like we’ve built these silos, like women here, men here.” She explained this changed for her after talking with Lisa Mackey at Deeper Still who told her that “most of the women who attend her retreat” – a weekend that Michele herself attended – “said the number one healing for them on that weekend was hearing men’s stories and the impacted on them by being served by men…in that space. They said that was mind blowing to them. And that was what just was the icing on the cake to their healing. And so, we took that model here and said, we’re going to stop building silos. And we’re going to start tearing these walls down and seeing what healing looks like for them as a family, as a couple, as a friend. And let’s see what that does.”
Amanda replied, “Wow. That’s definitely a really interesting perspective and a really neat idea. And I’m glad to hear that that’s working so well for you. I can definitely see how that could be impactful for the men and women to get to hear each other’s stories.”
COLLABORATING FOR DROP-IN GROUP SUCCESS
Amanda then directed the panelists to offer advice to providers who may be considering adding a drop-in support group.
Becky spoke first, saying, “I think collaboration is a huge thing. I think the bigger the support group, even if it’s online, I think it’s more effective, and I’ll tell you why — because so many women come in and they’re scared, and they want anonymity. So, if you come in a group, you can hide, and you can just observe. So the bigger the group, the better.”
Michele added, “I had the opportunity to do several Lunch and Learns with local therapy offices where they would have me come and share about our [after abortion support] services specifically. And in every one of my groups so far, at least one person has been referred by their therapist…Also, they have shared with me that their hands are tied in therapy as to what they’re allowed to say to a woman or to a man who [has experienced abortion]. That’s why they love to pass them for healing to us. And that’s been one of my favorite collaborations.”
IMPACT AND SUCCESS STORIES
After Amanda asked the panelists to share success stories, Becky mentioned a young woman who came in after two years of receiving emails and never responding. She wanted support, began attending the group, then a retreat, and eventually joined the team, where she continues to work. This was particularly touching to Becky because when the woman stopped by, Becky was preparing to delete her email in keeping with their policy to delete contacts after two years of no reply.
Stefanie then shared a story about a woman who had seen them mentioned in a newspaper that she typically does not look at, a free newspaper outside the county. They had made the choice to send their press releases not just to the local free newspapers, but to the ones outside the immediate area as well. While the drive time to the drop-in group was significant, the woman preferred that, because she wanted anonymity. When she was going to share her story, she brought her AA sponsor to the meeting for support. During that meeting her sponsor, an 88-year-old woman, shared that she had an abortion in the 1960’s.
Michele’s story involved a woman who Michele had worked with when she had come in for pregnancy tests and counseling – and then opted for abortion – five times. As Michele said, “To come back after five abortions and just know this is my place for healing but having something that wasn’t so structured just captured her that she could come. And if she needed to bring a friend, she could bring a friend. And I think she did bring her sister one time with her. And because there wasn’t so much structure, it wasn’t me asking the questions or a facilitator guiding the conversation. It was like, We want to know all about you. And that captured her heart.
Before opening the discussion up to questions, Amanda thanked Becky, Stefanie, and Michele for participating in the panel and sharing their knowledge and experience.
Q & A
Q: How do you handle confidentiality with zoom and hybrid meetings? Especially when people might show up one week and not be back for three weeks later.
A: Michele responded that they have participants sign a confidentiality agreement – for both their virtual and in-person groups. She also explained that they set the expectations by reviewing “group norms” at each meeting. She said they haven’t experienced any issues, and noted that “the same confidentiality thing can happen in person too, right? Just because somebody signs something or swears they’re not going to say it. It doesn’t mean they won’t. But we do have them. We know what the group norms are every time we meet, and we do sign a confidentiality clause, whether you’re in person or hybrid.”
Q: How do you find the people who are willing to share their testimony, especially when you meet weekly?
A: Michele responded, “It can be hard. But we have very successful retreats, about six a year. When I’m at the retreat, I say, If you’d like to continue your healing, a great way to do that is sharing your story. We give them their questions beforehand and from there, it’s like an interview, and it lasts about 20 minutes. That’s usually how I do it, or somebody from my team does it. And by the time I’ve gone through everyone, then we have another retreat, and then I ask people again.”
Q: Can someone who has not had an abortion, lead a group or assist with leading?
A: Stefanie responded: Yes. She explained that she usually leads their Women of Worth drop-in group, and that she has experienced abortion. “But with other weekly groups, Bible studies, and retreats, absolutely, people can serve if they have not had an abortion.”
Q: What, if any, steps do you take to follow up with participants after they’ve attended a drop in?
A: Michele replied, “One of the things I do after a group is to send a quarterly email or text just to check in to see how they’re doing, if they need any other resources, if they need a referral to another group.
She mentioned receiving referrals from other PRCs, for example “They had a woman go through theirs, and she wanted to try it with somebody else.” She continued, “It’s that collaboration that we’re talking about. But just always checking in, until you’re confident that they’re ready to stand on their own legs, right? They love those check-ins because you go so deep, and it gets so serious, knowing that somebody is still remembering your story and remembering you is really important to continued healing.”
BONUS – EXTRA Q&A
The discussion was so engaged that we couldn’t cover all of the live chat questions. Our panelists took the time after the webinar to answer additional questions. You can access their responses HERE.
CLOSING
Amanda wrapped up the webinar, thanking the panelists for their insights and stating her belief that participants learned a lot, not only about drop-in groups but other ideas that could be incorporated into current offerings.
NEXT STEPS
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