I had an abortion three months ago. I’m 19, in college, and living far from my family. I’ve been a mess since my abortion. I just can’t function normally anymore. I feel depressed and am skipping classes because it just hurts too much emotionally. It’s haunting me. It’s time for me to reach out for help. – Female Client
Picture being in college, juggling classes, living on your own, keeping up with activities, and managing a hectic schedule. Now, imagine on top of all of that, you have experienced an unintended pregnancy and abortion. The emotions can be overwhelming – sadness, relief, guilt, grief, anger, depression… With so much going on inside, focusing on school can become nearly impossible. That’s where healing providers and resources come in, offering the support students need to process their feelings, begin to heal, and find a path forward.
WHAT IS THE EMOTIONAL AND ACADEMIC IMPACT OF ABORTION FOR COLLEGE STUDENTS?
Unintended Pregnancies And Abortion On College Campuses
College life is full of pressures – academic, social, and personal. But for some students, unintended pregnancy makes it even harder. Women aged 20-24 have the highest rate of unintended pregnancy and abortion in the U.S. This group accounts for half of all unintended pregnancies and one-third of all abortions.
Nearly 40% of women say that one of their main reasons for seeking abortion is that “having a baby would interfere with their education.” Many find themselves grappling with a mix of relief and deep emotional pain after abortion, like these students:
We’re both in college and financially not ready for a baby. We didn’t see any choice except abortion. Now I have feelings of self-blame, fear, and failure. We’re both really having a tough time. – Male Client
I’m not mentally, financially, or emotionally ready to be a mother, no matter how much I love my boyfriend and want to be a mom. And I need to finish school. Even though I know all my reasons and still think I did the best I could, I’m struggling with feelings of emptiness, guilt, and shame. – Female Client
The Mental Health Crisis Among College Students
College students are already facing a mental health crisis, with many struggling with anxiety, depression, and stress. In an American College Health Association survey, 45% of students felt “so depressed that it was difficult to function,” over 65% felt “overwhelming anxiety,” and more than half “felt things were hopeless.” For students who have experienced abortion, these feelings can intensify. For some, the emotional weight is so heavy that it affects their academic performance and personal well-being.
It’s crucial for students to be able to access mental health care to address the underlying causes of their challenging emotions, including those related to their abortion experiences. By understanding the potential emotional difficulties that college students may face after abortion, counselors, clinicians, campus leaders, peers, and family members can be prepared to provide the support necessary for affected students to heal and move forward.
Impact On Engagement And Academics
For some students, their emotions after abortion can be so overwhelming that it disrupts their ability to focus on their studies. The intense mental struggle can lead to significant challenges, and in some cases, students may miss classes, drop courses, or even leave college altogether.
Take, for example, the experiences shared by these students:
I felt so much anxiety, shame, and depression after my abortion that I ended up missing classes and assignments. It really affected my academic performance. – Female Client
I’m having a really hard time moving on since the abortion. I can’t do anything. I just sleep all day. I quit college. I’m just devastated. I’m so broken. I haven’t told anyone. – Female Client
I had to take a year off from college after my abortion because I was struggling so much. I’m going back, but I don’t want to because I’m hurting so deeply. I don’t see a reason to live anymore. – Female Client
I had an abortion 14 months ago. I am burdened daily by guilt, regret, and pain. I dropped out of college because I can’t study. I hate my job because I have to smile. I lost a lot of weight because I can’t eat. I am a very logical third-year psychology student, but I have absolutely no idea what to do. How do I get past these feelings? I’m keeping so many big feelings inside.
EARLY SUPPORT IS KEY
Unprocessed feelings can linger, affecting relationships, mental health, and overall well-being. As a result, for some, the emotional impact doesn’t surface until years later, like these clients shared:
During college, my then-girlfriend and I cried for nights, but ultimately decided abortion was the only option. Years later after I got married and my first child was born, I felt a mix of intense joy and deep sadness, remembering the life that was lost eleven years before. I struggled with those feelings for another 16 years before I told anyone. – Male Client
We were married and in college when I got pregnant. I felt relief after the abortion, closed it off, and went back to my day-to-day life. Now, four years later, I’ve had a baby. And all the feelings and memories of my abortion have come flooding back. I never processed or addressed my feelings about it. I’m struggling every day. I cry every time I hold my baby. Every time I close my eyes, I relive my abortion. I keep replaying what I wish I’d done differently. – Female Client
I had an abortion in college in my 20s. Now I’m 67 years old. I’ve struggled with depression, flashbacks, and sadness about the abortion over the years. I’ve never told anyone. I never had other children. I’m retired now, and I’m all alone. I keep thinking about what might have been. I want to find peace. – Female Client
Early support can help individuals address their feelings before they escalate, ensuring that they can move forward with their lives and heal.
Creating an environment where students feel safe to share their after-abortion struggles and seek help now can make a significant difference in their well-being and overall mental health.
HOW TO SUPPORT COLLEGE STUDENTS AFTER ABORTION: A 4-STEP GUIDE
For those who work with college students, as well as their peers, knowing how to connect compassionately is key. Our 4-Step Process provides practical guidance for these conversations, making people feel more confident in offering support. The steps are:
- Examine your bias
- Walk in compassion
- Ask if they would like to share their experience
- Connect them with support
Let’s examine what that can look like when you’re talking with college students who have experienced abortion.
STEP 1 – EXAMINE YOUR BIAS
Reflect On Your Views: Consider how your personal beliefs about abortion might influence your interactions. Approach conversations with empathy and neutrality and avoid bias. In this way, you will foster an environment where students feel safe expressing their emotions and discussing their experiences.
Educate Yourself: Understand diverse perspectives and lived experiences related to abortion to avoid making assumptions.
Seek Feedback: Discuss your approach with peers or mentors to identify any unconscious biases.
Example: While discussing the 4 Steps with a student at a college conference, one of our staff members asked him if he meets people who have experienced abortion with compassion. His girlfriend jumped in saying, “Absolutely not.” As they talked through the 4 Steps, he realized this was true and said, “I really need to check myself.” and “They probably made the hardest decision of their life, and I need to meet them with compassion.”
PRIORITIZE COMPASSION
In providing support, focusing on compassion is key, especially when personal biases around political or religious views may come into play.
To effectively help people struggling emotionally after abortion — particularly college students, who are more likely to hold non-religious views and support abortion — it’s essential to approach each individual with understanding and empathy.
So, let’s explore some common beliefs and perspectives among college students that can shape their conversations about after-abortion support and the type of care they desire.
ABORTION VIEWS: College students generally support legalized abortion. A 2019 Pew Research study showed 74% of Americans aged 18-29 support it, compared to just over half of those 50+. A College Pulse survey from the same year found nearly 4 out of 5 undergraduates believe abortion should be legal. This high support includes both students in general and those who have experienced abortion.
RELIGIOUS VIEWS: Many college students are less religious. Over one-third of 18-29 year olds identify as atheist, agnostic, or no religion, the highest among age groups. The same study found that they are also the least likely to engage in religious practices, such as attending services, praying, reading scripture, participating in religious-based study groups, or to look to religion for behavior standards. Our research shows similar trends: only 16% of women and 40% of men with abortion experiences prefer a religious approach to support. Most rarely attend religious services, and many identify as agnostic, atheist, or none.
Meeting people where they are, regardless of personal beliefs, allows you to offer the compassionate, non-judgmental support they need to navigate their emotions and begin healing.
WHY CHECKING YOUR BIAS MATTERS FOR PROVIDING SUPPORT
If we’re not able to meet them where they are, we won’t be able to help them find hope and healing, and we could even end up pushing them farther away from it.
Providers who focus solely on religious programs or pro-life messages might miss the chance to connect with college students seeking after-abortion support. Here’s what some clients have shared:
“The grief and guilt I’m feeling are overwhelming. The first place I called said, ‘I know you’re not religious, but I believe in your healing through God.’ This is my first time experiencing grief, and I need help, but they couldn’t help me.” – Female Client
“I thought a support group would help me work through my feelings and anxiety since my abortion. The person I called was kind, but only offered religious options, which wasn’t helpful for me.” – Female Client
Even those with faith sometimes prefer a different approach to healing, as seen in this testimony:
“I believe in God, but I’m not ready to hear about God or scripture right now.”
Similarly, focusing only on abortion-affirming programs can overlook students dealing with complex emotions, regret, or grief, as these clients shared:
“I’m 100% pro-choice, but I’m really hurting. I feel empty and lonely with a huge amount of grief. My friends and family keep saying I did the right thing and should just get over it. But the mental pain and grief are horrible.” – Female Client
“I didn’t expect to feel this way. My friends are also pro-choice and don’t understand my feelings. My parents turned the conversation into a debate about abortion morality. I’m angry and depressed, and I have no one to talk to.” – Male Client
To offer truly compassionate support, focus on the individual’s needs without judgment. Meeting students with nonjudgmental, unbiased support is essential to their healing process.
For those who are religious and may be unsure about offering non-religious after-abortion support, consider these insights from faith-based providers who have successfully supported people needing help using secular resources:
We don’t limit how the Holy Spirit works. As Paul says, some sow seed, some water, some harvest. We show God’s love by helping people heal. My role may only be for this moment, and that’s okay. – South Carolina Provider
As a faith-based organization, we prioritize person-centered and trauma-informed care. It’s about providing the best possible care we can, meeting people where they are, and giving them hope. We offer various types of care to ensure no one ever has to walk the after-abortion journey alone. – New York City Provider
We can’t always lead with Jesus or prayer. We need to lead with love. Our role today is to help them find hope, healing, and peace at this stage in their journey. – Fr. Shawn Monahan, OMV, Member, Support After Abortion Board of Directors
Research supports this holistic approach. A meta-analysis in the Journal of Clinical Psychology shows that accommodating client care preferences improves mental health outcomes. At Support After Abortion, we advocate for connecting each person to the abortion healing option that best fits their needs – whether that’s secular or religious; in-person or virtual; clinical or peer facilitator; group, one-on-one, or self-guided, etc.
And we have seen the benefit. For example, a provider whose center only offers a religious, in-person Bible study for abortion healing shared that she had seen hundreds of women walk away unsupported because that program didn’t meet their needs. On the other hand, a provider recently shared that their center served 320% more clients after they added secular and virtual program options.
Others, who aren’t able at this time to offer options such as virtual, clinical, one-on-one, or secular, choose to meet the needs of clients who want those by either using the Support After Abortion Provider Directory to find a referral for them, or referring them to our After Abortion Line, so they can get connected to a resource or provider who offers what they need.
STEP 2 – WALK IN COMPASSION
Walking in compassion means truly listening and supporting someone without judgment or expectations. It’s about empathy, connecting on a human level, and showing that you genuinely care about what they’re going through.
When someone shares their emotional struggles after abortion, acknowledge their pain with phrases like, “I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.” Or, if they express grief, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Saying, “You’re not alone. Many people have similar experiences,” can also provide comfort and validate their emotions, helping them feel less isolated.
Essentially, walking in compassion means showing up, listening and speaking without judgment, meeting the person where they are, and standing with them in their tough time in a way that affirms their humanity and values their personal journey.
STEP 3 – ASK IF THEY WOULD LIKE TO SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCE
After you have established that you are a safe space for them, you can invite the person to share their experience, if they feel comfortable.
Approach Gently: Start with sensitivity by expressing your readiness to listen. For example, you might say, “Is there anything you’d like to share about what you’ve been through? I’m here to listen, if you’d like to talk.”
Offer the Choice: Make it clear that sharing is entirely up to them. Use language that emphasizes their control over the conversation, such as, “It’s completely up to you, if you want to talk about it.” or “There’s no pressure, I’m here to support you either way.”
Provide Reassurance: Assure them that their feelings and experiences are valid, and that there is no judgment. You might say, “Whatever you choose to share is okay. Your feelings are important, and I’m here to listen without any judgment.”
Respect Their Decision: If the student prefers not to share, honor their choice. Let them know that support is available whenever they’re ready. You could say, “I understand you’d rather not talk about it right now, and that’s okay. I’m here for you if you decide you would like to talk about it or want support.”
Find a Safe Place: If they want to talk with you, find a private, quiet space free from interruptions so they can feel at ease. It might be stepping into a corner or hallway, or going outside, or into a different room.
Be Prepared to Listen: If they choose to share, listen actively and attentively. Focus on understanding their experience without interrupting or jumping to solutions. Your goal is to support them through genuine, compassionate engagement.
HOW TO HAVE COMPASSIONATE CONVERSATIONS
In a previous article on Compassionate Conversation Training, we offer five tips, including being vulnerable, holding space, ignoring language, taking your time, and observing non-verbal cues.
Let’s focus on two crucial aspects: taking your time and holding space. These practices involve genuinely listening and allowing silence to give people the opportunity to reflect and share at their own pace.
Take Your Time: Listen actively. Give the person your full attention. Validate their feelings, and show genuine interest in what they are sharing with you. Acknowledge their feelings without rushing to solve their problems or offering unsolicited advice – or trying to speed the conversation to get on with your day or other tasks.
Hold Space: Allowing silence means giving space for pauses in the conversation, which can be crucial for them to process their emotions and thoughts. Resist the urge to fill the silence or rush the person to answer or speak. Instead let them have the time they need to reflect and articulate their feelings.
Incorporating these practices—taking your time, holding space, and listening with empathy—will help build a compassionate connection, making students feel supported and valued.
STEP 4 – CONNECT THEM TO SUPPORT
The final step—connecting someone struggling after abortion with support—is essential because it provides access to experts who truly understand their situation. These professionals offer a safe, confidential space and practical care, with many services available at no cost.
You can say, “It’s common for people to need to talk more about their abortion experiences. You can contact Support After Abortion for free, confidential support. They’ll listen with compassion, discuss with you what kind of support you would like, and connect you with the healing option that best meets your needs.”
Offer Helpline Information: Provide the contact information for our After Abortion Line: Call or text: 844-289-HOPE (4673), Email, and Website, www.supportafterabortion.com, which has a contact form and chat feature. They can also reach us by private messaging on Instagram and Facebook. Emphasize that Support After Abortion offers free, confidential, compassionate support.
Connecting someone with support shows that you truly care about their well-being and are committed to helping them find the care they deserve. And it empowers them to take meaningful steps toward recovery.
SELF-GUIDED ABORTION HEALING
Some individuals may not feel ready to reach out to the After Abortion Line for help, or they may prefer to start their healing process on their own terms.
In these situations, you can introduce them to Keys to Hope and Healing, a secular, self-guided introductory abortion healing resource available for women and men. The downloadable digital books and video series are accessible confidentially and anonymously and at no cost on our website, allowing individuals to explore healing at their own pace.
The male client who struggled for 27 years after his college abortion experience (mentioned above) said:
“When I went through Keys to Hope and Healing, I finally found a path to peace and transformation.”
Another client, who went through Keys to Hope and Healing shortly after her abortion reflected years later:
Keys to Hope and Healing saved me. It helped me accept my emotions and that it’s okay to be vulnerable and upset. Even now, years later, I know it’s okay when something triggers a memory or I get sad. I can move on. I’m just so much healthier.
CONCLUSION
Supporting college students grappling with emotional challenges after abortion calls for a compassionate, nonjudgmental approach. By offering spaces where students feel safe to express their emotions without fear of judgment or pressure, we can provide the support they truly need. It’s essential for providers to meet individuals where they are and offer the type of care that resonates with them. By fostering empathy and openness, we ensure students receive the holistic support they need to move forward in their healing journey with confidence and resilience.
PROVIDING AFTER-ABORTION SUPPORT TO COLLEGE STUDENTS
If you provide after-abortion support – or would like to – for college students or others, we invite you to email us. We also encourage you to explore our Provider Training Center and attend our free monthly Abortion Healing Provider webinars, Men’s Healing Matters webinars, and Quarterly Facilitator Trainings.
© Support After Abortion