Learn how providers can make trauma-informed referrals that honor client autonomy, preserve trust, and connect clients with after-abortion support that fits.
OVERVIEW
What does it feel like to a client when a referral is offered? Sometimes, it feels like support is expanding. A client realizes there are more people, more options, and more pathways available to them than they first knew. But sometimes, especially after a client has taken the vulnerable step of reaching out, a referral can feel like being passed along, sent away, or told that their needs are too much.
In this webinar, Karin Barbito, Healing Support Specialist for Support After Abortion, and Nyles Pinckney, Men’s Healing Coordinator, guided abortion healing providers through a trauma-informed approach to referrals that keeps trust, autonomy, and client preference at the center.
Together, they reframed referrals not as failure, rejection, or a last resort, but as an act of advocacy. In abortion healing work, a referral is not simply a name, number, or resource list. When done well, it is a thoughtful connection that helps a client obtain the kind of support they prefer and are most likely to use.
The webinar walked through a five-step referral process: assessing the gap, vetting the referral agency, reviewing the potential referral with the client, making it happen, and closing the loop. Karin and Nyles also explored when referrals may be needed, how client preferences should shape the process, what providers may feel when referring someone they care about, and how to respond when a referral feels difficult for the client.
The key focus was that one provider does not need to be all things to every client. By listening carefully, knowing their scope, and having connections and networks of other providers, they can guide clients toward support that fits.
THE REFERRAL PROCESS IN FIVE STEPS
Karin opened the training by naming the five clear steps that would guide the webinar: assess the gap, vet the referral agency, review the potential referral with the client, make it happen, and close the loop.
The first step, assess the gap, asks providers to identify where the client’s needs are not being fully met and what kind of agency, resource, or support could help bridge that gap.
The second step, vet the referral agency, is about credibility and fit. Providers should ensure the resource being considered is trustworthy and aligned with the client’s specific needs.
The third step, review the potential referral with the client, keeps the process collaborative. Karin emphasized the importance of first understanding what the client is looking for, then communicating what has been found and allowing the client to decide whether it fits. This protects the client’s autonomy rather than making the referral feel like something being decided for them.
The fourth step, make it happen, facilitates the referral connection. Providers take proactive steps to help the referral process feel smooth, supported, and realistic.
The fifth step, closing the loop, involves following up to confirm that the referral was successful and that the client is receiving the help they wanted.
Each step builds on the one before it. Together, they show that a trauma-informed approach to referrals is not just about where a client goes next. It is about how the provider helps them get there.
REFERRALS ARE AN ACT OF ADVOCACY
Karin then named one of the webinar’s central reframes: in trauma-informed care, referrals are acts of advocacy.
With a well-done referral, the provider takes direct, tangible steps to help the client connect with services, reducing the burden and emotional toll on the client.
A trauma-informed referral does more. Karin described it as a “warm handoff” and even a “lifeline,” where the provider takes direct, tangible steps to help the client connect with services.
She also acknowledged the emotional risk of referral language. A client may think, “I just came to you, and now you want to hand me off?” That fear is important for providers to understand. Many clients have already had experiences of not being heard, not being believed, or not being supported. If a referral is offered too quickly or without care, it can feel like another rupture.
Karin was clear: “referral isn’t a rejection of the client.” Instead, it can strengthen the trust the client has placed in the provider by helping them find the healing path they truly want.
A well-executed referral can significantly enhance a client’s healing journey. A poorly managed or delayed referral can erode trust. The goal is not for a client to depend solely on one provider, but to help them find the resources and relationships that fit them best.
That shift is healthy for the client, and it is healthy for providers too.
WHEN TO REFER: FOUR CORE SITUATIONS
Nyles then introduced four core situations where referral may be appropriate. He began with a foundational statement: “Referrals aren’t failures. They’re an accurate read of what a client prefers.”
That sentence carried much of the webinar’s practical and emotional weight. A referral is not a sign that the provider has done something wrong. It may be a sign that the provider is listening well enough to notice when a client’s needs, preferences, or circumstances point toward additional care.
1. When the Client Needs Professional Therapy
The first situation is when a client’s needs go beyond the provider’s capacity, professional expertise, or specialized focus. Nyles named signs that may indicate the need for a licensed therapist, including severe or ongoing depression or anxiety, strong trauma responses, suicidal ideation — especially if there is a plan or intent — or impacts on daily functioning, physical health, mental well-being, or lifestyle habits.
Referring to a therapist or counselor does not necessarily mean the provider’s relationship with the client ends. Nyles noted that many clients benefit from both lay support and professional therapy. He encouraged providers to look for therapists experienced in grief, reproductive loss, or trauma, even if they do not specialize specifically in after-abortion care.
Karin added a helpful distinction between lay support and therapy. She said she has heard it explained that laypeople tend to ask “how,” “what,” and “when” questions — open-ended questions that help clients share and process — while therapists may ask “why” questions. Nyles connected this to something he had learned from Karin: if clients already knew why, they might not be coming for support.
The distinction was not meant to minimize lay support. Instead, it clarified scope. Lay support can be deeply healing, but some clients need a level of clinical care that a therapist is trained to provide.
2. When There Is a Mismatch in Perspective or Fit
The second situation is the type of support a provider offers may not fit for the clients preferences or needs.
Nyles named several examples. A client may want faith included in their support, or they may want a secular approach. A man may want to speak with another man. A Spanish-speaking client may feel more comfortable sharing in Spanish than in English.
In those moments, the provider’s guiding question becomes: “What will help this client feel most comfortable and understood?”
That question shifts the provider toward listening for what the client needs. Sometimes, when a client says something does not feel right, a provider may interpret it as resistance. Nyles reframed it differently: the client may be giving important information about what feels off, what they need, or what would help them engage more fully.
How the provider responds can either build trust or quietly create distance.
Nyles offered examples of language that keeps trust intact:
“I really appreciate you telling me that. It helps me make sure you get the right support for you.”
“You have a sense of what you need. It’s actually a really important part of this process. Let’s find what would feel right for you.”
He also named what to avoid: expressing surprise or mild pushback, asking “Are you sure?”, over-explaining the organization’s approach in a way that feels persuasive, or framing the referral as a loss by saying something like, “I’m sorry we can’t be the right fit.”
The goal is not to convince the client to accept what is available. The goal is to help them find what fits.
3. When Logistics Get in the Way
The third situation involves logistical barriers. A referral may help when the location does not work for the client, the format is not accessible, or the available days and times do not fit the client’s schedule.
Nyles encouraged providers to approach logistical issues with compassion and understanding. These barriers can significantly affect whether a client is able to participate in healing support at all.
A provider may offer strong support, but if the client cannot get to the location, cannot attend during the available time, or needs virtual care instead of in-person care, the support may not be usable. Connecting the client to an agency that can accommodate their needs improves the likelihood that the referral will actually happen and that healing can begin.
This is another way referrals honor autonomy by considering the client’s real-life circumstances, not only the provider’s available programming.
4. When There Are Intersecting Challenges
Karin then named a fourth reason to refer: the presence of complex, intersecting challenges. Clients seeking healing after abortion may also be navigating other unresolved life challenges or traumas, including substance misuse, housing instability, codependency, domestic violence, financial crisis, sexual abuse, or other serious issues.
These realities can shape how a client engages in abortion healing. They may also indicate that the client needs additional support beyond what an abortion healing provider can offer.
Karin emphasized that the client gets to decide what kind of support they want to engage first. If a client is experiencing housing instability, abortion healing may not be the first need they want to address. They may need help finding shelter, housing support, or other immediate resources before they can meaningfully begin grief or healing work.
Seeing the whole person means recognizing that abortion healing does not happen in isolation from the rest of the client’s life.
UNDERSTANDING RESPONSES TO REFERRALS: YOURS & THE CLIENT’S
Karin then looked at both sides of the referral moment: how the client may receive it, and how the provider may feel about making it.
For a client, a referral can feel like support is expanding. It may communicate that there are more people, more options, and more pathways available than they first knew. But it can also feel like being sent away, especially if the client has already taken the vulnerable step of reaching out and building trust.
That is why language, tone, and body language matter. When providers center the client’s preferences and frame the referral around finding the right fit for what the client wants, it helps the client stay engaged. But when providers feel unsure, apologetic, or reluctant, clients may feel that too.
Karin also acknowledged the provider’s side of the experience. Providers may feel invested in a client. They may want to be the one to keep supporting them, or hope the client will want what their organization offers. She invited attendees to reflect on the question: What comes up for you when you imagine referring a client you’ve built a relationship with?
One person wrote in the chat, “I definitely feel protective of them and want to make sure they’re taken care of well.” Another said, “It worries me that I can’t control the kind of attention they will get.” A third shared, “Concerned that the next people won’t care about them like we do.”
Karin normalized those concerns while also offering an important caution. A referral made with hesitation can communicate a lack of confidence to the client. Clients are perceptive. They pick up on tone of voice, body language, and emotional cues just as providers do.
Because of that, part of trauma-informed referring is internal work. When providers are aware of their own reactions — especially the pull to hold on, stay involved, or remain the central support person — they can stay grounded in what matters most: the client’s needs, preferences, and best interests.
Karin encouraged providers to reframe referrals as collaboration and part of comprehensive client care. Providers are not sending clients into the unknown. They are connecting them with vetted agencies and trusted partners who can offer the kind of support the client is asking for. Trusting others’ compassion and ability to care for the client helps providers make referrals with confidence.
That confidence matters. When a referral is offered with steadiness and care, it becomes more than a transfer of responsibility. It becomes part of the client’s healing. The client can feel that confidence, and it reassures them that they are still supported, respected, and in good hands.
At the same time, providers also need to watch for signs that a referral feels hard for the client. Karin noted that discomfort may show up through withdrawal, silence, a shift in tone, or a change in expression. These cues may indicate that the client is not feeling comfortable with the conversation.
In those moments, providers can slow down and gently name what they notice:
“It looks like something came up for you. Would you like to share what’s going on?”
If the client does not want to talk about it, the provider can give space without pressure:
“We don’t have to decide anything right now. Take some time to think about it. I’m here to listen.”
If a client refuses a referral outright, Karin encourages providers to honor that response as information. Not wanting to be referred gives the provider a better understanding of what the client is comfortable with and what they are not. If it feels appropriate, the provider can explore the hesitation with curiosity rather than pressure.
As Karin often says, “be curious.” A provider might ask:
“What would feel more helpful for you right now?” “What would feel like a better fit for you?”
From there, the provider can adjust the referral options based on what they learn and leave the door open for future conversation.
Karin also offered practical ways to support clients who feel anxious about working with someone new. Providers can acknowledge the discomfort directly:
“I know it can be uncomfortable to meet someone new. We’ll work with you to ensure you feel supported throughout this process.”
They can also reassure the client that their preferences matter:
“Your preferences are important to us, and I’m committed to connecting you with someone who offers what you want.”
And they can highlight the trust that has already been built:
“The trust we’ve developed is something you can carry into new relationships. I believe in your ability to form these connections.”
Across the referral process, the key principles are clarity, pacing, and autonomy. Providers should clearly name the transition so the client is not surprised, provide gradual support across multiple sessions when possible, and use consistent check-ins that honor the client’s pace and preferences.
When providers remain aware of their own response and attentive to the client’s cues, referrals can preserve trust, strengthen the relationship, and help clients feel valued and cared for as they move toward the support that fits them best.
STEPS TO REFER
When it comes to reducing barriers, Nyles said, simplicity is key. The easier the process feels, the more likely the client is to connect with the new agency.
1. Assess the Gap
The first step is to identify what the client is asking for or needing that the provider or organization cannot offer right now.
This might include therapy, a different perspective, a different faith or secular approach, a different gender or language fit, a different format, a different schedule, or support for an intersecting challenge.
Nyles encouraged providers to explain to the client that expanding their support system can help them receive the type of care they prefer. He also encouraged providers to clarify their own organization’s referral policy internally so that everyone on the team understands what kinds of referrals can and cannot be made.
Sometimes a client is asking for something that conflicts with the organization’s referral policy. For example, if a client wants secular healing and the organization only refers to religious resources, the organization may not be in a position to connect that client directly with what they are seeking. In that situation, Nyles suggested contacting Support After Abortion, which offers many options and can help connect the client with support that fits their preferences.
The provider should then confirm the client’s preferences and look for an agency that offers what the client is asking for.
2. Vet the Referral
The second step is to vet the referral. Nyles explained that the goal is to ensure the client receives the best possible care.
Providers should check whether the agency offers the specific services the client requested. They should verify eligibility requirements such as insurance, payment, or geographic limitations. They should consider accessibility, including whether the client can reach the agency physically or virtually and whether the agency offers appointments at times that work for the client.
Providers should also confirm whether the agency is accepting new clients.
For therapy referrals, providers should verify licensure in the client’s state or clarify whether the provider is offering a service that does not require state-specific licensure, such as coaching. The agency or provider’s approach should align with the client’s stated preferences so that care is personalized and effective.
Vetting is not just administrative due diligence. It is one of the ways providers reduce the burden on clients and protect them from unnecessary frustration, delays, or mismatched support.
3. Review the Potential Referral With the Client
Nyles then focused on how to communicate the referral and emphasized that language matters here.
He offered a three-part approach: acknowledge, explain, and present.
First, acknowledge that the process may feel difficult or unsettling. Second, briefly explain why the referral may be beneficial. Third, present the referral in a way that helps the client feel informed and supported.
Karin offered language for supporting women who may be carrying grief, loss, guilt, or shame after abortion:
“I can hear how heavy this has been for you, and I want to make sure you have the kind of support that can really walk with you through this.”
Nyles then offered language for men, noting that men may internalize their feelings, appear reserved, or focus on solutions. That does not mean they are less affected. They may also feel overlooked in abortion healing spaces. For men, he encouraged providers to be direct and compassionate without pressuring emotional expression:
“It takes a lot to even have this conversation, and I want to make sure you’re connected to an agency that can support you in the way you want.”
For clients who feel worried or frustrated, Nyles suggested language that validates the concern and keeps the process collaborative:
“It makes sense that this can feel frustrating or that you might feel worried. Let’s figure out together what would feel most helpful right now.”
He also gave an example of how to guide a client toward specialized support:
“I want to make sure you’re getting the best possible care. What you’re describing is something this organization specializes in and in a way that we don’t.”
Karin summarized the deeper principle behind this step: the provider is not passing the client along. The provider is guiding the client to the support they prefer.
“The client’s driving the bus here,” she said.
4. Make It Happen
The fourth step is to make the referral happen. Nyles described three possible ways to do this.
The first is a warm handoff, where the provider, client, and receiving agency representative are all on a call together. This creates an immediate connection and can reassure the client that they are in good hands.
The second option is to provide the client’s contact information to the agency, with the client’s written or verbal consent, so the agency can initiate contact.
The third option is to give the client all necessary contact information, including the agency name, contact person, phone number, and address. Even then, Nyles encouraged providers to reassure the client that they will follow up to make sure the connection happened.
When providing client information to a referral agency, providers should send only relevant information and send it securely. This protects the client’s privacy and keeps the referral process clear.
5. Close the Loop
Karin then explained the final step: closing the loop.
This begins with documentation according to the provider’s agency protocol. Good documentation is not just a formality. It protects the client, the provider, and professional integrity.
Karin also encouraged a brief, non-intrusive follow-up with the client and, when appropriate, the receiving agency a few days after the handoff. The purpose is not to intrude or reclaim the client, but to confirm that the connection was made.
She also clarified an important boundary: once the connection has been made, the client is now the receiving agency’s client. Follow-up should be light, respectful, and aligned with the receiving agency’s expectations.
Closing the loop helps ensure continuity without blurring roles.
MAKING REFERRALS EASIER: PROVIDER DIRECTORY AND THE AFTER ABORTION LINE
Nyles then highlighted two Support After Abortion resources that can help providers and clients: the Abortion Healing Provider Directory and the After Abortion Line.
The directory is searchable by location, gender, approach, and service type. Nyles noted that more than 20,000 searches are conducted each year, showing that clients and providers are actively using it to find support.
One strength of the directory is that clients can access it themselves, giving them more autonomy in their healing journey. Clients can also contact the After Abortion Line directly for support and provider connections. Providers can contact the After Abortion Line for help finding or making referrals for clients.
Nyles invited abortion healing providers whose organizations are not yet listed to join the free directory. He described the directory as more than a list of names. It is a community of providers who share a broad framework: they believe healing after abortion is important, they have experience facilitating abortion healing, and many prioritize connecting clients to what the client is asking for.
By using this network, providers can connect their client with someone who understands the abortion healing journey and can continue care with shared language and context.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Karin closed by highlighting several key takeaways. Referrals should be reframed as acts of advocacy rather than signs of rejection or failure. Knowing when to make a referral is key, including situations involving professional therapy, mismatch in perspective, schedule or format incompatibility, or intersecting needs such as substance misuse, trafficking, housing instability, or other urgent concerns.
She also reminded providers to check in with their own feelings, because those feelings can affect how the referral is received. Other takeaways she mentioned included: the relationship does not end at the point of referral and the provider can remain present and supportive throughout the transition. At the same time, once the connection has been made, the receiving agency becomes the client’s care provider.
Karin also emphasized that how a provider communicates the referral is just as important as where the client is sent.
And that providers can use the Abortion Healing Provider Directory or the After Abortion Line to find the right agency for the client.
And the key thread through it all is relational: make the referral in a way that preserves dignity, autonomy, and trust.
Q&A
Q: What if a client declines every referral option we offer, even though we know they need additional support?
A: Karin said her first instinct would be curiosity. If the provider is offering multiple options that seem to align with what the client has asked for, but the client still does not want to move forward, there may be something the provider is missing.
She suggested asking:
“Did I miss something that you said to me, and I’m not finding what it is that you’re actually looking for?”
From there, the provider can have a conversation rather than pushing harder. If the client still does not want a referral, Karin said providers can offer self-guided resources as a starting point and leave the door open for the client to return if more support is needed.
Ultimately, the decision belongs to the client. As Karin put it, “We can’t force somebody to take a referral, just like you can’t force somebody to go to the doctor.”
Q: What are some signs that a client is agreeing to a referral verbally, but emotionally is not really on board yet?
A: Nyles said clients may agree quickly without asking questions, sound emotionally flat or detached, change the subject repeatedly, or minimize their own concerns. They might say things like “It doesn’t matter,” “What I think doesn’t matter,” or “If you think so.”
Sometimes clients verbally consent to avoid conflict or pressure, even when their tone, hesitation, body language, or lack of follow-through shows they are not fully emotionally aligned with the referral. These cues can help providers slow down, check in, and make sure the client actually feels ready.
Q: How do you support clients who are dealing with multiple overlapping issues, such as abuse, housing instability, or substance misuse, without overwhelming them with too many referrals at once?
A: Karin returned to the principle that “the client’s driving the bus.” If a client does not have stable housing, abortion healing may not be the most realistic first step. A client without internet access, transportation, or basic safety may need support for those immediate needs before they can engage in a support group, one-on-one healing, or virtual care.
Karin suggested asking the client what feels most important right now:
“What is the most important thing to you right now in your life?
“What’s the thing that is impacting you negatively the most?”
The provider can then begin there, if the client is open to it.
Q: Can you talk more about referrals when faith preference is the issue, especially if a client’s preference is different from the organization’s approach?
A: Nyles said faith preference requires extra sensitivity and transparency. A client may feel hesitant, judged, or worried they will not be fully understood if an organization’s approach differs from their own beliefs.
He shared that a secular client walking into a faith-based setting may feel like they “stand out like a sore thumb.” Because of that, the provider’s role is to honor the client’s comfort and autonomy rather than trying to persuade them into a particular framework.
Nyles encouraged providers to use Support After Abortion’s website, directory, and support options to help find referrals that align with the client’s preferences.
Q: What if I know our program could technically help the client, but I can tell they would probably engage more fully somewhere else? How do I navigate that internally?
A: Karin focused on the word “technically.” If “technically” means the organization can offer something close to what the client wants, but not actually aligned with the client’s preference, she advised against trying to make the client fit.
For example, if a client asks for secular support and the program is held in a church, even if the content itself is not explicitly religious, the setting may still feel misaligned. Karin said that in that situation, she would not suggest keeping the client in the program simply because the organization could “technically” help.
The stronger trauma-informed choice is to prioritize the client’s actual comfort and engagement.
FINAL TAKEAWAY
This webinar showed that trauma-informed referral is not about stepping back from care. It is about widening care without breaking trust.
A referral can feel vulnerable for everyone involved. Clients may wonder whether they are being sent away. Providers may feel protective, responsible, or unsure whether another agency will care for the client as well as they would. But when providers notice those dynamics, communicate clearly, and stay grounded in the client’s preferences, referral becomes part of the healing process rather than a disruption of it.
Karin and Nyles reminded providers that being client-centered means more than offering support with compassion. It also means recognizing when another person, agency, format, language, schedule, or approach may serve the client better.
The provider’s role is not to be all things to every client. It is to be a steady guide: listening for what the client wants, identifying what is outside the provider’s scope, vetting the next step carefully, and helping the client move toward support that fits.
A trauma-informed referral tells the client: you are not being rejected, and you are not being passed off. Your needs matter enough for us to help you find the care that is right for you.
© Support After Abortion
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